Friday, September 19, 2008
No One Looks Innocent
I know this mission can lead to old and new discoveries. I think it is refreshing to just free up some space, so you will be able to breath and be free to go. But, cleaning up to me is never a fun adventure, I am always forced to take action, when I hear my mom's piercing word's. I usually Iisten, but I don't say anything, because I don't want to say something I shouldn't have said. Sometime she doesn't have to say anything, she just starts trashing everything in sight, so I don't have a choice but to get up, and try to save my things. I know that I have many bad habits,and I am surprised she was able to put up me as long as she has. But, she told me today it is not all of my fault because she is guilty to, so no one looks innocent with this big, big, mess on on ourselves something else this reminds me of "We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands" Work was just work today, work is just work. But, I did have some good laughs today, some people are just so funny. One guy asked me about my facial expression, when he gave me the gift card, and all I could do was laugh, because I don't know how I look when I am out there on the registers. I guess my facial expression are sending the wrong message. I apoligized to him, for my weird facial expression. I was like I am glad you told me because I didn't know and this made me aware of my facial expressions all day. If he would not have said this, I wouldn't have ever thought about the facial expressions I make. So, I just started trying to crack a smile, which is always a welcoming expression. I said I can't go wrong if I just smile all the time even when I am counting money, and scanning an item that want scan, which can be so aggravating He just started laughing. Maybe I should look in the mirror before I go, because there is no way I can see myself. It would be weird if I started looking through the glass on the scales at the registers to find the proper facial expression for accepting payments, counting money. I think working in an environment makes you want to say a bad word sometimes. I could easily curse in this place, but I try not to, at least not out loud but maybe to myself. I think this register is such a you can fill in the blank with numerous words. I think this job could actually bring out the worst in me, how could a chaotic environment bring out the best in me, because I think is just stress. Sometimes it can get to you when you are tired, fighting to try and hold your eyes open , but the bright lights keep you wide awake.





I found out that writing is a way I can dream, while I am still awake. I think this is the only way I can go to another place, besides being here all the time. You don't even have to buy gas to go to this place that I have been going. I can go to places where no one has ever been, it is a free trip. I just think I have found an escape. I spend many of my hours trying to make some cash to live, it is no secret, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it is worth it. This job is just a job, and work is work. I get a few days off, and most of the time people relax on their off days. I'm usually restless, because I am not in my comfort zone these days. Now is not to time to live in the comfort zone, because the heat is on. These days work days and off days are often uncomfortable. It is good to have some time away, and during that time away, I think I should be planning. I am usually just trapped in this place, and I just want to step outside of this box I'm locked in. I know people who have been in places or worked in places for over 20 years, the same routine. 20 years seems like a long time to me, and sometimes I think what could I have done in 20 years. I wonder what could I have done with all that time? I could of taken a whole lot of adventures over a course of 20 years. I could have traveled the world and back. It is fine if that is how a person wants to spend 20 years of their life, but I wouldn't if I had a choice. I just hope I will not end up just wasting 20 years of my life. But, I believe if you are in a place you don't like you need to have a game plan so you can eventually get out of the place, if it is not somewhere you would like to be for the rest of your working years. I am always trying to come up with new stragedies, and most of the time they fail. I am convinced that I have to keep trying no matter how many times I fail, because I don't really want to be here for 20 years or more. I could be here, but do I have to be, if I had a choice? You can waste 20 years of your life if you chose to, but I don't plan on being there with you. I guess you really don't realize how fast times flies when you are living. I had an awakening the other day, and just realized that writing gives me this opportunity. I think my everyday routine makes me want to dream. The best thing about it is that writing is free, dreams are free. It is amazing that all I need is a pen and paper to paint a picture with words. I don't know where it is coming from but it just feel so good to just pour out my thoughts out. Before I didn't know how to say the things I needed to say, but I think I have found a way.