The Tour Starts Tommorrow

Hey everyone, I just woke up this morning thinking that the tour starts tommorrow. Bill and Travis's Bogus Journey. I am really excited, I know I said that I was nervous or naturally nervous, but I am not really concerned about that. I was just listening to TAI this morning, and just realized how much I really love their music. I don't think I could miss this for the world, even if the gas prices are high and gas is scarce. They are really digging down deep into our pockets for gas. I guess their is no way to dodge the gas prices right now. I just hope they will go down soon. Nowdays I can only buy things that I really need. I am glad that The Academy Is, kept their ticket prices low. I don't know how long this will last though. $20 is not that expensive for tickets. My sister called me last night to tell me to make sure, I fill up before I leave. She said that when I head back, and if I am on a half a tank, I will have enough gas to find a station. I would just hate to miss this tour, because they didn't have to do this tour. It is great that their doing another tour before the end of the year. Also, if I wouldn't have this job, that I say I hate this wouldn't be possible. There are good things about it and their are bad things about it. Most of the time we are short and we don't have enough help, that is what I don't like about it. I like the paycheck, so I will be able to go to concerts, have satellite, internet, shopping for things I need, random bills.

I would hate to have to ask people for everything without paying them back. It would feel like I would be using them. It is o.k. to ask every now and then, but not all the time. I'm still trying to decide what to wear, but at this point I don't really care, what I am wearing. At least the weather looks good. It will be about 78 degrees, and sunny. I might take my notebook computer, but I probably will not be able to connect to the internet when I am at my sister's house. I will probably work on writing my review of the show. But, I take that back, because I could use my dial-up connection, if I take my long phone line.

Now it is time for me to get serious like with writing my poetry and random things for fun. Now, that I have dial-up I will be writing more. It is so slow.

Grand Slam Homerun

Today, I didn't have to work today. I watched an important baseball game today, the game against the White Sox and The Tigers. I really enjoy looking at these games. Many people probably just couldn't sit through 9 long innings of baseball, but I can. I use to look at the games with my sister. It is not like I just started watching baseball today, I have been watching it ever since the Braves won the World Series. Me and my sister use to follow all the good baseball players. We would keep score cards at home. She was the only one I could watch it with, because none of my other sister's were not interested. However I have been to 2 braves games in my lifetime. It is different from what you see on TV, because you don't have the commentators. I use to love to hear those commentators on TBS, Joe, Skip, Don and Pete. It hasn't been that long ago, but it seems like it. After The Braves won the World Series, I really started watching a lot of baseball games over the summer when school was out. I would have played in school, but I didn't think I was tall enough. People probably think I am stupid for sitting down and watching baseball games, many probably say that is what boys do, but sports are for anyone. It doesn't matter what gender you are. I could play, but the only difference would be that I would be playing with the girls instead of the guys. It wouldn't really matter to me. I look at those MLB players, and I just don't see how they play this sport. They make it looks so easy. I really enjoy watching sports, and that is the history behind why I like baseball. I could of joined an softball team but I never had time, because my studies were vigorous. This is a true story. I have watched the White Sox over the seasons, and I was happy that they beat the tigers 8-2 tonight. The game started off well, then the Sox scored one run early, then later on the game was tied. Next, the Tigers scored another run and broke the tie and took the lead. I think all the action happened in the 6th inning. Also, in this 6th inning Alexei Ramirez hit a grand slam homerun, and this pretty much turned the whole game around. Everything continued to run smoothly after this, I am glad that it turned out well, and I am glad the Sox are still alive. I didn't buy the MLB x-tra innings this year, because I know that I wouldn't have been home to watch them. Note that my sister was a huge NY Yankees fan, she bought hats, and shirts, and I really couldn't stand the NY Yankees because she liked them. I know we were not in the cities, but it felt as if we were there The TV makes the experience very interactive or real, even if you are not actually there. But, nothing beats being there. It is really amazing to be there supporting your favorite team.

I feel Like doing The Black Mamba

Today was o.k. until I went to work . It really felt like I was the only one working at one point. It is unbelievable, there were actually a total of 4 cashiers in this Walmart where I work. My line was back up almost wrapped. One customer said, instead of them spending all the money for the remodeling, they should of been hiring cashiers. He said that he know it was not my fault, but he just wanted to give that message to the management staff. I agree with him, because it is ridiculous. I don't know what has happened to this store. This store is really starting to drive me crazy. I just had to tell you about it tonight, because it was really bad.


You know now that I know what a black mamba is, like one of the fastest, deadliest snakes in the world, it is scary. It can be called the shadow of death. It sounds like a dance to me. Well, this Walmart could be related to the shadow of death. It is like yesterday, it was so busy, and there were only about 4 workers. It is too much for 4 people. It is too stressful for 4 people, and stress could eventually kill you. You wouldn't think stress could harm you, but it can. I think after I got home, I felt a tightness in my chest. It is like if you don't get out of there soon, you never know what could happen. I didn't even have time to take a sip of water. It was nonstop yesterday. I think black mamba would be like a plan or if you listen to The Academy Is's song black mamba, you will know what I am talking about if you have ever heard this song, and pay attention to the lyrics. I know it is a snake, but you have to look at it in an abstract way. It is o.k. for now, it is just a job, but as long as you are planning maybe trying to get out of retail one day. It is o.k. to work there for a few years, possibly five, but you need to have a plan or a agenda.

Tough Skin

It is the tough skin, that makes you strong, it the tough skinthat protects the bone. I just feel like I am going to shake whenI start to break. How long will this last and when will it pass. usually fake a smile in denial. Can I have a bone to bite, whenI burning in the middle of fight. Could this headache be enough for me to break, I don‘t know how much more I can take.

Sometimes I wonder if layers of skin ever existed, because I burn easily. I too the punctures but it was never really enough to break through that tough layer of skin, and hit down to the bone. The 3 degree wounds can really fester, with one touch from, the fiery flame which could possibly break the through the surface, and burn enough to keep me awake in the night. This direct hit, fire on skin, it all awakens all the sensations that were dead under the surface. The natural reaction to pain, will make your clench and squint. Like fire words can burn like words. A deep cut, like the touch of a burning flame could be enough to make you tear. I feel like I need a bone to bite when I in the middle of this fight. The natural reaction to the pain which is making me clench and squint is hitting those silent ends. I guess I need to start building more layers to repel the things that lie underneath. No matter how much I hold it back it will try to get out, If you don't have self control. And all the life that was buried underneath will have a hard time breaking through this tough skin.



Earlier Today
I will probably post something on this page, as if I have to. I hope posting a blog everyday is not annoying, just be happy that I actually update. When I first started it I hardly ever updated. I guess I can post faster with this new computer, because it is portable. I used to have a emachines with an intel celeron processor.

I don't know if you know but today is Jon Garland's birthday. I have been following this pitcher for a while. He played for the White Sox. I can't forget that I really use to watch all of the Sox games when he pitched. My sister followed Freddie Garcia. I think Mark Buerhle was good too, I think he is still on The Sox.

shout out of the day: Happy Birthday Jon Garland, and Happy Birthday "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out"!

Today Was Like Rain

I just tried to come up with a poem, and be aware that it probably doesn't make much sense. It is different from my other post, because it just a story about The Road. The best thing about my writings is that I can always go back and work on it or add on. I just wanted to see if I can make the words fit together or rhyme.

Today was like rain, and it is all the same, when you say my name in vain. Is it the fame making you lame. It feels insane being caught in this game, but who is to blame. I am here somewhere caught in between, and it is making me want to scream. I want to shine on the scene, like a royal queen. stop and stare, if you really care, but who really cares if I am there. I don't know if you are really there when I stop stare at your hair.

If you can share I will spare, when you are barely there Don't know if the stench in the air, is making me stare. but I know when you are there. I don't know if you are the light in the night when I am lying in the heat of the night I don't know if you are the bird that sings, when I dream, but it wakes me from this scene. I see shadows in sight, when I'm awake in the night. But, I know when I turn on the light their out of sight.

The Road

The Road
The road never rest because whether day, evening, or night there will always be activity. No matter what time , you will always be traveling with the big trucks on the interstate highways. The road will always be available unless the construction blocks your way. Then, you would either have to end up turning around or taking another road. It is open 24 hours a day 7days a week. The road never closes so you are free to travel anytime you want. The road never gets too lonely unless you are traveling those roads on early mornings and late nights 1am to 7am , are some of the best times to travel on the roads. But, it will just me and the sound of my fm radio, blocking out the sound of the engines traveling on the roads.

The roads are designed for the wheels and weight of all vehicles, so don't fear, because there roads were made for many journeys. When it is time to start the engine, you are ready to go, and you know when you 10 miles down you got 1,000 miles or more to go. Now you are on are way, miles away from your homebase down a couple of exits, you realize that there is no turning back now. You are aware that you have really covered some ground, you caught some where in between. You could either keep going or turn around. But when you are caught somewhere in between, why would you want to turn back when you come so far. Home is miles behind you now, it was out of sight 5 miles ago, and now that you are 100 miles out it is non-existant. You can no longer see it in the distance. Home is not 10 miles behind, but more than 100 miles behind. and it not 10 miles behind you. But, after all those miles you could chose to go for your destination or turn around and go back. But, who would want to stop and turn around when you have come so far. I didn't travel all of these miles to turn back now, so I am going on. Not knowing what is on the other side of the rainbow, would just haunt me. If I turn back I know I will regret it. If I turn back now I will never know. No matter what, I plan to follow through with this journey.

The Human Heart

If machines were human, we would be disabled, because we couldn't go from HPN to LAX, on two legs, and 2000 calories. This long journey would really keep your heart pumping , and it probably would not skip a beat. Have you ever listening to a beating heart, it sounds likes a eighth note. I have heard the sound of a beating heart when I am alone sometimes in a quiet room. It just beats, and beats, and beats and sometimes you wonder how can a heart keep beating day and night. Sometimes you wonder how can a heart beat after 100 years of a person's life. I just think that it would get tired after beating for so many years. It is scary when it stops, but it wouldn't be no surprise to me. I don't know if I would want to be my heart, because the heart has one of the most hardest jobs. It beats and pumps all the blood throughout the body, every second that a person is breathing. I would hate to be the only thing keeping a person alive, the heart has such an important job. When I am next to a human, and can hear their heart beat, it scares me, because I'm always thinking what if it stops. I'm always thinking when will it stop. But, I think I should just be happy as long as it is beating, just don't take it to heart. But, I think when you can hear your heart, you more aware that it could stop one day. I think if we heard it all the time we wouldn't do some things that we do.

You would really get your yearly workout. I would imagine that you could hear your heart beat rapidly after a continuous walk. It makes you feel like you need to slow down, when you hear the beat that sound like a fast eighth note. Planes, cars, and buses is the only way to get to the other side of the country, if I could use my own two legs and 2000 calories, I would walk the distance. But, I know my legs are not designed to travel such long distances. When I get in, I know where I'm going but just don't know if I will get there safely. But, I try not to have fear, but I know it can happen, when you are in the air and on ground in a moving machine. Non-human things are so unpredictable, they are either batter powered or gas powered, but so is a human heart, because we never know when it is going to stop. We never know when a car engine motor is going to stop either. But, Non human things can't feel, machines can't feel, machines can love. Non-humans don't have blood to give life to another living being

Sometimes you wonder how strong is a human heart, how can something the size of a fist be so powerful. During all of this you think how can a body take so much abuse. How could a heart take so much abuse. You were shaken, you were jerked around like a rag doll and your heart never stopped. If it wasn't for the human skin protecting you human heart, you probably would not have made it out alive. You are a survivor, because you held on. You took, punches, pricks, hits, burns, but heart still kept a steady beat. After all of this you would wonder how could a human being still have a pulse, but that is just the spirit in the human heart.

Time To Think

Back to the classifieds again, it feels like I have been on a job search every since graduation. I have been searching the classifieds from the begining, and I am still searching. I have not found what I am looking for yet, so now I am back to the classifieds once again. I never knew how stressful a job search could be, but I don't think I have been as aggressive, and determined as I was in the past. It seems like I have been building my resume forever, like clay, just trying to shape it, to meet their needs. What else do they want from me, and don't think I am going to go out on a date with the boss to get this one, however many people do. What we wouldn't do for the perfect position, but I don't think I would want it that bad. I have tried in the past, but I don't think my stragedies were effective as they should have been or were they? It seems like my life history is my work history. I spend most of my days on the clock. But, you have to work to live.

I just think I am too honest when I apply for job, and just when I thought honestly was the key, I learn some new information. I never knew that lies could get you anywhere, but these days people can get really far. I don't like lies, but this workforce is based on lies. People just scheme and plot, just like the government. Some people just cheat their way to the top. I guess that is why I am still in the same place, because I'm honest. I have not pulled any schemes yet. But, I just don't want to play dirty, to get to the top. You wouldn't believe what goes on behind the scenes. I am glad that I don't know, because I would probably be surprised. Many jobs don't measure up to the job I have now due to the distance and the wages so this is why I am still here even after the transformation. They have changed, but it hasn't changed me, because I have just adapted to the changes.

They have made many unnecessary changes thinking that they were fixing the problems, but not knowing this was making worse. I would say if it is not broke don't fix it, but they went ahead and did it anyway. It seems like it was more busier before the big transformation. It is not the same anymore, and not only has the store changed, people have changed. They miss the old place, the place they used to know. Now, the old store is history. All we have now is memories. It really hasn't had an effect on me. It alright, but it was just so unnecessary to change the whole place. I don't like how it is so unorganized now. Customer's are just upset because things are not in the places where they use to be. It is just so out-of order, and I think that is turning the customer's away. They really hate it, you should of saw the message that they wrote on the bathroom tile, in pemanent marker. But, eventually they are going to have to learn to accept the changes, and I think they will in time. It just takes time to adapt to changes. It is like learning how to rollerskate all over again.

A Million Smiles And Laughs

A million smiles and laughs would be more refreshing than piercing words or tears right now. A smile or laugh is all we need right now. I know there is a time to laugh, a time to speak, a time to smile, and a time to cry. But, I think it would be depressing to stay in one mode forever. If I was a camera, I would not want to stay in the easy mode forever. I would love to switch to the scenery mode or outdoor mode every once in a while. If I wouldn't have to keep on living, It would be possible to stay angry forever, but I think my smiles sand laugh would be hard to suppress forever. In order to live, I know I am going to have, put these thoughts in storage for a while. It is hard to have all of this weight on you when you are balancing on your own two feet. I got to carry all of this weight with me as if there isn't already enough gravity pulling me down. Do you think I like to cry, do you think I want to be sad, I would just like to skip this part and go to the best part. I think if we feel like crying just go ahead and cry and let it out, so you will be able to laugh again. Suppressing the feelings can really make you feel depressed Most of the time it really feels good to smile and laugh, the best part of living. If you are in a situation and you don't know what to do, always try to smile. This how I have learned to handle situations, I am just learning to laugh about everything that is intended to hurt me. I don't live for sadness however some days are. Do you think I want to laugh when I am torn inside, it will numb you for some time, but you got to find away to smile again. It is difficult to be happy through all of the rain. It is hard to smile through all of the tears. It is tough to have all that weight on your shoulders when you have to live everyday life and pretend that everything is alright. It takes a lot of energy to fight, it is like I'm fighting everyday, living is not easy, even when you have it all.


We definitely could use more peace signs these days, believe it or not. . But I don't think they are as effective as they should be, but I understand that we can't control the world. We try to enforce them, but we can't make people accept them. But, if I were you I would keep enforcing them anyway, maybe one might touch one soul. I think we should just slow down and take it one day at a time, because trying to change the world in a day would be impossible. Also, it not going to really be effective anyway, if it is not a team effort. No matter how unpeaceful it gets don't never let your peace signs fall down, because you never know when you going to have to fight a monster. But, if that is not enough you might have to use your cross signs to fight the monster. I have heard that the cross sign can be more powerful than the peace sign, if you have faith. But, I think you have to believe it. It depends on what you believe. I think peace would just give us hope I had a feeling that this flame was still burning, what is it going to take to put it out. While half of my brain was on vacation, strange things happened, things get out of control. I just can't give a thought a rest anymore. You never know when somebody will activate one of the thoughts that you had on the backburner. It is like bringing the dead back to life. I think I have a battle in my mind almost everyday. It is like negative thought you should be dead, you should not exist anymore. But, it is possible that somebody can put those negative thoughts back into your mind. I am constantly trying to wrestle with these old demons. I think it is something that is alive today, but should be dead. I think it is more abstract than discrete these days. You might think it is invisible, but some people can see write through it. You know like those movies when somebody accidentally brings something back to life or unleash something evil again. Once it is unleashed you have a big mess on your hands, you never know when it will eventually die. It is possible that it could last forever.

Survived One More Weekend

I just can't believe how fast time is flying, September is almost over. 2008 is going by so fast. Well I made it through one more weekend. Today was September 21, 2008, nothing really exciting really happended today. But, I understand that nothing exciting is not going to happen everyday. I don't think anything is exciting about the thought of work, but I think I would rather be working than not doing anything at all. I don't have nothing worth talking about but work. Before work I had a couple of hours to unwind and get ready for my shift. I think I woke up at 12:20pm, that was late for me, because I usually wake up at 10am or 11am. After that, I woke up and did a circuit training workout and a full stretch. I had to stretch, because lately I have been working out without stretching. Sometimes you can get by, but I would not recommend. My whole body was so stiff yesterday, I had to just stretch my muscles. I think that workout is the best part of my day, it really helps me to get moving, because when I get out the bed I can't get going. I usually play my seasons of workouts that they use to show on lifetime. Today I ate pasta with tomato sauce, baked sweet potato, broccoli, and orange and banana smoothie, before I went in today. I usually eat the same thing everyday, it doesn't really matter to me because I just need the energy or the carbohydrates. I use to eat a lot before work, but now I just eat a reasonable amount. I will eat like a bowl of pasta with tomato sauce, and a baked sweet potatoe, and a bagel or broccoli. Sometimes, I eat avocados. I feel better when I eat this way. I usually drink coffee in the morning, if there is still some left over in the pot. My mother usually makes coffee every morning. I drink green tea, but I made the mistake by drink 2 cups of water and green tea before work. It ran right through me, and went to the restroom more than 1 time in a hour. I will not drink that kind of tea before work again. I will have to wait until I get home. It is embarrasing having to keep running to the bathroom every hour. I don't like to drink sodas before work either. I would rather drink water or juice, because the other beverages will make me feel as I have an overactive bladder.


This is what happend on September 20, 2008 for the ones who can't read it on LJ, or myspace. I really like my one hour without sound poem



Sep. 20th, 2008 at 12:34 PM
I heard the news about the plane crash, just a few minutes ago, their plane crashed in West Columbia, SC, that is in my neck of the woods right down the road. I thought this was really weird, however very devastating. But, I'm thinking that they may have played a show in Columbia, SC which is the reason that they were here. When I heard this I was like I know Travis Barker, the former drummer of Blink 182, and he had a show on MTV. I don't know him personally but I know who he was. Also, I have also heard a lot about D.J. A&M. I think he used to date Mandy Moore. I heard that they were burned badly. The two of them are very lucky to be alive, I hate that the other 4 didn't survive. The closet I came to death was a car accident. I think my left tired blew out, and then I put on brakes and the car flipped over. I was lucky I had on my seatbelt. When I drive down these dangerous highways, I am always aware that anything can happen. I try to keep that on the back of my mind. I am usually concentrating on the road, and trying to avoid accidents, but sometimes they just happen. I am surprised I was able to drive again after my car accident, but I tried to get over it. I still know it can happen again, that is why I don't ride in a moving vehicle without a seatbelt. I am afraid when my sister flies home and back to NY. My mother can never rest when she is going back to NY, she always waits for her call.


One Hour Without Sound
It doesn't matter where I am, this music will always be my jam. I will always take your songs with me, it doesn't matter where I will be. Your songs will be playing in the background when there's no sound.I just can't go one hour without it, there is no doubt about it. One hour without this sound, is making me feel down. I need to hear this song, even when you are gone. A sound so profound, that awakens all around. I was lost but now I found, and I can't go back down. Your songs will always be playing in my background when Iam driving through the town. I now am bound to this beautiful sound.

Shout Out Of The Day... Happy Birthday Mom!Will keep D.J. A&M and Travis Barker in my thoughts and prayers!Today is special because it is my mother's birthday. If it wasn't for her I would not be here today. She is a very strong, independent person. I admire her courage and strength. We have shared some really good times togetherMore later on.

Friday, September 19, 2008
No One Looks Innocent
I know this mission can lead to old and new discoveries. I think it is refreshing to just free up some space, so you will be able to breath and be free to go. But, cleaning up to me is never a fun adventure, I am always forced to take action, when I hear my mom's piercing word's. I usually Iisten, but I don't say anything, because I don't want to say something I shouldn't have said. Sometime she doesn't have to say anything, she just starts trashing everything in sight, so I don't have a choice but to get up, and try to save my things. I know that I have many bad habits,and I am surprised she was able to put up me as long as she has. But, she told me today it is not all of my fault because she is guilty to, so no one looks innocent with this big, big, mess on on ourselves something else this reminds me of "We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands" Work was just work today, work is just work. But, I did have some good laughs today, some people are just so funny. One guy asked me about my facial expression, when he gave me the gift card, and all I could do was laugh, because I don't know how I look when I am out there on the registers. I guess my facial expression are sending the wrong message. I apoligized to him, for my weird facial expression. I was like I am glad you told me because I didn't know and this made me aware of my facial expressions all day. If he would not have said this, I wouldn't have ever thought about the facial expressions I make. So, I just started trying to crack a smile, which is always a welcoming expression. I said I can't go wrong if I just smile all the time even when I am counting money, and scanning an item that want scan, which can be so aggravating He just started laughing. Maybe I should look in the mirror before I go, because there is no way I can see myself. It would be weird if I started looking through the glass on the scales at the registers to find the proper facial expression for accepting payments, counting money. I think working in an environment makes you want to say a bad word sometimes. I could easily curse in this place, but I try not to, at least not out loud but maybe to myself. I think this register is such a you can fill in the blank with numerous words. I think this job could actually bring out the worst in me, how could a chaotic environment bring out the best in me, because I think is just stress. Sometimes it can get to you when you are tired, fighting to try and hold your eyes open , but the bright lights keep you wide awake.





I found out that writing is a way I can dream, while I am still awake. I think this is the only way I can go to another place, besides being here all the time. You don't even have to buy gas to go to this place that I have been going. I can go to places where no one has ever been, it is a free trip. I just think I have found an escape. I spend many of my hours trying to make some cash to live, it is no secret, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it is worth it. This job is just a job, and work is work. I get a few days off, and most of the time people relax on their off days. I'm usually restless, because I am not in my comfort zone these days. Now is not to time to live in the comfort zone, because the heat is on. These days work days and off days are often uncomfortable. It is good to have some time away, and during that time away, I think I should be planning. I am usually just trapped in this place, and I just want to step outside of this box I'm locked in. I know people who have been in places or worked in places for over 20 years, the same routine. 20 years seems like a long time to me, and sometimes I think what could I have done in 20 years. I wonder what could I have done with all that time? I could of taken a whole lot of adventures over a course of 20 years. I could have traveled the world and back. It is fine if that is how a person wants to spend 20 years of their life, but I wouldn't if I had a choice. I just hope I will not end up just wasting 20 years of my life. But, I believe if you are in a place you don't like you need to have a game plan so you can eventually get out of the place, if it is not somewhere you would like to be for the rest of your working years. I am always trying to come up with new stragedies, and most of the time they fail. I am convinced that I have to keep trying no matter how many times I fail, because I don't really want to be here for 20 years or more. I could be here, but do I have to be, if I had a choice? You can waste 20 years of your life if you chose to, but I don't plan on being there with you. I guess you really don't realize how fast times flies when you are living. I had an awakening the other day, and just realized that writing gives me this opportunity. I think my everyday routine makes me want to dream. The best thing about it is that writing is free, dreams are free. It is amazing that all I need is a pen and paper to paint a picture with words. I don't know where it is coming from but it just feel so good to just pour out my thoughts out. Before I didn't know how to say the things I needed to say, but I think I have found a way.

Part Of My Life Is On The Shelves

Part Of My Life Is On The Shelves
Sep. 17th, 2008 at 7:44 PM
needs editing
I think I have fallen out of love with all of the many things that I have cherished over the years, the things that I have been storing on the shelves. My memories are on the shelves, part of my life is on the shelf and in boxes, and if I get rid of it will seem like I would be getting rid of a part of me. But, this could be the part of me that is stopping me. Years and years pass, and I am still holding on to all this, so hard to just let go. It's hard to believe that the newspapers and magazines are already tainted and withering, on shelves after all this time. When I first bought all of these things, I thought that I was going to keep it forever, but I have learned that nothing last forever, and eventually I will have to let it go. You can’t not keep everything, just save a few of your favorite things that you could use later. But, keeping it on the shelf is not going to help you or anyone else. If I give it away, I know that it will not be wasted, my baggage could be someone else's treasure. All these things are like gravity, if I don't never take them from the shelf. I have not taken that paper from the shelf in years, and if I have not looked at it by now, I will probably never look at it. I'm probably not going to ever use it, so why am I just taking up space on the shelf. And it is never going to get any lighter, if I don't get rid of some of this stuff, it is just going heavier and heavier, like a dead weight as the year go by. How am I going to make room for the new things if I don't get rid of the old things. I have things stored that have been on the shelves for years, and today they are still there, cluttering my life. If I ever run up on a shirt that I can't let go, I need to ask myself, why am I holding on to this. I need to ask myself will I ever have time to wear this. I don't think there would be enough time in these days to even think about.

There may come a time when I will have to let it go, if one of those vigorous storms hits, I would not have to decide, everything that I had would probably be history, so I think I need to stop being so sentimental about a grandfather clock, a piece of porcelain or a magazine on the shelf.. I don’t think I should cherish a piece of porcelain or my baseball collection. But, I have never been really materialistic and sentimental, so if I lose it, It wouldn’t sting as much. It would be devasting to lose everything you had, but I don't think I could cry forever. Eventually you will have to dry your tears so you can heal. I would just hope that I would have a place to just lay my head, and have access to food and water.

All this stuff has been in my life for years and years, and I just thought maybe it is time to get rid of them, because I don’t have time to relive these memories, because I don't have time. I am always working, and during these working hours I never have time to think about the memories that are stored on the shelves and boxes. If I have not looked at them by now, will I ever have time to do it? It is like when will I ever get to time to look through my old newspapers and magazines again. Out of all the hours that I have lived in the past, I have never had time to think about reliving these memories. It is good to keep all of your childhood pictures, scrapbooks, and high school memories, but the other things on the shelves and in boxes that you could do without. I know I am all for donating, because I know there is somebody out there who needs a new shirt, jeans, whatnots. It would make me happy if something that I had would be able to serve a purpose in someone's else's life. It would make me happy, because I would hate to see one of my favorite pair of shirts or pants go to waste, just polluting the environment. I just realized that I don't need all of this stuff, because I find myself wearing the same shirt and the same pants on most days. I don't even think about the other clothes that I have stored on the bottom of my drawer. If it is not convenient, you are going to probably forget about unless you getting ready for a special occasion. These things have been on the shelves for all these years, and they have not served any purpose in my life. Years and years have passed and they are still in the same place as they were five years ago. Most things are just sitting on the shelves catching dust, which make cozy little hideaways and getaways for the rodents and creatures. These newspaper and magazines and whatnots, have been apart of my life, but they have aged with me. In addition, if I pass today or tommorrow, I know I will not be able to take all of this stuff to my grave so why should I keep it.

The newspaper edges are now tainted yellow, just withering on the shelves. I bet if I get rid of most of these things I would not shed a tear, because I have forgotten about them. This is my past, and I realized that I can’t keep holding on to the past forever, I got to let it go, because if I die today or tomorrow, I would have to leave it behind. So, I just need to break this bond. Also, if I hurricane comes through here, I would have to let some of this stuff go, so why do I keep on holding on to all of this stuff. I don't want to believe that all of the memories on the shelves could be the problem. Everytime I try to donate clothes, I run up of one of my favorite jackets, something I have never had time to wear, and then I stop and think, and then decide to keep it. Then it ends up in the bottom of my drawer for years, and years and years. For all that time, it hasn't done me any good, It has just been like gravity adding to the weight of the drawer. I realized that it doesn't have a purpose in my life anymore. I don't know what it could do for someone else.. After so many of years of just adding more gravity to my life, I am starting to think that maybe I would be better off without it. . I always think I might wear this shirt so maybe I should keep it, and then I end up never wearing it. It is good to hold on to some things, and it is good to just let some things go. . How, will I progress if I keep on holding on to everything I had. Now these old pair of pants are just there, and they don't serve a purpose in my life anymore. It so hard to let it go, because I think that one day it will have a purpose. I guess thinking that it will have a purpose one day, will make you want to hold on too it. But, I don’t think we should live in the future, we need to live today. But, as the years go by and by,it just remains on the shelves, just taking up space. If I leave, I would like to clean-up behind myself. I just wouldn’t want to put this burden on someone else. I am not free to go, because I have all of this behind me. I see my favorite shirt, and say, I just can’t let it go, I will probably need it in the future, then I end up never wearing it. Years and years have passed and it is still on the bottom of the drawer. I think I am going to just give my favortie shirt to someone else, maybe it will be able to serve a purpose in their life, instead of being on my shelf. It would do more good in their hands than on my shelf or in my treasure chest. All it is going to do is just sit on the shelf, and catch dust, so why not just let it go. Maybe my favortie jacket will be able to keep another body warm. Years and years have passed and it is still here catching dust, and serving as getaways and hideaways for rodents, and insects

Feminine Energies Are Clashing

I was just thinking why are their so many girls in fan clubs and it lead to this post. I hope this internet stuff in not making me crazy.

I don’t think it is good to make too many friends, especially friends with the same gender especially if there are only a few opposite genders. When you got too many girls in one room with a few guys there you know it is going to be a rivalry. I think it would be better if it was balanced, then maybe their wouldn‘t be so much tension. I think we have to much progesterone and estrogen clashing, with very little testosterone to balance it out and I don’t think the full moon that comes out at night is helping. And you wonder why most girls have guys friends. When there is and too much progesterone and estrogen, it can get really dangerous you there are probably going to be some catfights. What else could it be, but the hormones and they are at war.

You try to make friends, but for some reasons they want to be enemies. Most of time you get to a point where you just don’t care about making any friends. If that is the way they want it to be let it be. I starting to think that feminine and feminine energies don’t blend and maybe it would be better if it masculine and feminine energies that mixes. With feminine and masculine energies we would probably have less catfights. I guess we would probably to be able to get alone better. But, I think it is too much estrogen and estrogen clashes, with little or no testosterone.

Sometimes do you feel that nobody understands you and they don‘t want to communicate, it feels like you are living in a foreign land. I think I would be better off speaking Spanish, than English. I think I would be able to understand people who speak Spanish better than I can understand people who speak English. I think I got to learn that I will never be understand people, I just have to get that in my head. Sometime you think are they really human or are they aliens under human skin. Sometimes I think who are they and what have they become. I’m starting to wonder if some people have human flesh. It makes me wonder do they even have a beating heart, you never know that could be made of slime or electrical wires. Is it possible that this girl I am talking too could be running off of a computer chip. Sometimes I wonder does she have a CPU, instead of a brain. People appear to be attractive, but you will never know what is on the inside, like filled candies. They can be very attractive and have a heart of stone. I know a lot of fakes who appear to be friendly. They want be happy unless there is a rivalry. When I am in trouble, it would not be a good idea to ask them for helped because they are aliens under human skin. It is like who are these people, and what have they become. Nobody speaks anymore, they just keep secrets. They mingle in their own little click, and exclude everyone else. I am not going to try to understand the reasons why because I will never get the truth, if it is a thought from a human mind. Nobody speaks anymore, nobody care anymore, everybody just keeps secrets and mingle in their own little groups.

The Cheerleader In Your Corner

I will always be the cheerleader , in your corner
Even when you are down, I will always be around.
The sound of cheers, will fill your ears,
Fueled by encouraging words, and singing birds.
Take these cheers, and zap all your tears.
cast all of your fears on the back of your mind
Never give up because it is about time to shine.
Whether you are home or away, play like yesterday.
Wins are sweet because some teams are tough to beat.
Don’t accept defeat, because you know how to play in the heat.

My Day At Work
I just got back from work, and it went pretty well. I finally got to work on one of the big registers, where people can have as many items as they want. Sometimes people have their carts piled high, and when they put it on the belt, I am thinking look at all of that stuff. It is unreal, I don't think I would like to buy all of my groceries at one time. I shop when I need things, I am not one of those once a month shoppers.Today was like a bad headache, the heat stayed on today. I was constantly scanning, and scanning making Walmart richer by the minute. If I had as much money they had in one registers, I could skip work for a couple of weeks. If this is one of the richest chains in the world why are we short changed? Tonight their were more people than cashiers, they had about a handful of cashiers. It is a pity I got to depend on this place I can' believe that this is apart of my life. Did you know I had quit one time before. I remember attending orientation, and then the next day, I didn't come back. But, after my other job didn't work out I came back, so I have been here ever since. I am glad that I have a job, but this place is unbelievable sometimes. Right now, I am not in my comfort zone, because if you get comfortable you will not be able to get out. Eventhough I have been here for a year I am not attached, I try not to get to comfortable, so I think it is best to get out of your comfort zone. But something that take some of your time is apart of your life. Instead of doing the remodeling, I think they should of being paying their cashiers or trying to hire more. I got to get out of this place, I am always having conversations in my mind. I can't say it out loud because people will think I am insane. Well, I tell you these conversations keep me from loosing my sanity. Also, it felt like I was sedated all day because of allergies. Sometimes, I feel like I am on my last 5 nerves, I really don't know how much more I can take of this store. These are some of the thoughts that are going through my mind, and a sinus headache doesn't make it any better. I just know I going to have to keep my sanity to stay in the game, I wrote a poem today it is kind of game related.

This Infectious Love
Sep 13, 2008
Hello everyone, This morning I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I think I will post more tonight. I just have always wondered why does time go by so fast when I am on here, and so slow when I am at work, when it is not busy. I hope it will be busy. It is good that I will not have to get gas, I got gas the other night when it was $3.45. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed but I made a poem. I don't know why it is double spaced. I tried to make it as long as possible, this is not the best poem, but it is a poem. This is not like Walt Whitman or Ernest Hemingway. I am listen to Santi right now. I love this CD.

Living like the young and
the restless, so infectious,
Now is the time to laugh a little,
time to just love a little,
And get back to the place
you used to be so you can say
Tonight I feel so free to be me
And there is no place I’d rather be
Than right here singing in your ear.
When you are near my dear.
Maybe It will give you life so you will be able to
Sleep tonight., and if it happens overnight.
you want have to put up a fight. Whenever you heal
I know you will be able to feel what is real

This is the place, home base,
The first time I saw your face
You were near when I was here
And I knew you were there my dear.
This infectious love, is what I’m dreaming of
Hopefully you can get back to the place
Where you used to be, when just a smile or gesture
Was just enough to find some happiness
Just a smile, just a laugh, is not that bad,
So stop crying and feeling so sad.,
because these feelings
will drive you mad.
We need this tonight,
so we can win the fight
We could be free, just you and me
What will it take to make you see
The other aspects of me. Who knows where
We will be, perhaps the other side of the sea.
Like the oblivion, we will be as invisible as air.
No one will know where we will go, and no
One will be where we will be, it just you and me

When The Glass Breaks Then Shatters

Hello Friends,A few minutes ago my 1yr old niece, just left, I was kind of distracted writing this blog, so it might not be as good as usual. I am now more convinced that I don't want any ninos any time soon. She is a handful. Also, my 2 nephews were here, and they really get on my mother's nerves when they ramble in her boxes. She just told me that gets on her nerves so bad. It is good that they are gone, relief, now it is just me and my mom sitting here talking about them. I don't like when they are here and I am not there, they will raid my room, that is why I like to be there when they are here. They will drive you crazy, I feel like screaming when they are here sometime. But, I was surprised that they were not that bad tonight, but they were still rambling. I am glad we live in separate houses, because I would definitely need some space for a couple of hours. I better rest up now because they will be back tommorrow.

I hope I can keep on riding on this streak of luck, I am just going to ride it as long as it is going. I guess when the mirror falls, breaks and then shatters, the 7 years of bad luck begins, the bleeding begins so they say or is it just a superstition. I just wish I could stop the 7 years of bleeding if it comes.,but now I just hope I can see my reflection through the broken piece of shattered glass, which is the only way to stop the bleeding.

Do you believe in seven years of bad luck if you see the glass of a mirror hit the floor, break, and then shatter. Should we really believe in such superstitions. But I think it would be different if you come upon a mirror that has been broken. I didn't see it break, and shatter so I would assume that my streak of luck will keep on rolling.

If I had a preference I would rather crack the small mirrors rather than the large mirrors, less broken pieces to clean up. Maybe the bleeding want be as severe hopefully it will not last throughout the full 7 years. I just hope that if the glass of any mirror falls out it won't break and shatter. Maybe there is hope with the small mirrors, maybe I can be able to put the pieces back together. Maybe this means that the 7 years of bleeding, will eventually stop. Maybe I will not have to suffer through 7 years of hell. I guess if the glass cracks then shatters, you got a big mess on your hands, and their goes your plans. I hope if there is a curse, it can be reversed. I would do anything to reverse the broken mirror curse, instead of burdening my luck. I just hope I can be there to catch it before it falls. But, what if you find a broken mirror, and you did not witness it fall, hit the floor, break and then shatter. I don't think this would count so maybe there is hope, so maybe the curse will be reversed. I don't think it count because I skipped some steps, and cheating doesn't count.

But, should I believe a myth, told by word of mouth. There is no truth to it, it is just superstition. It was a thought that someone imagined. Broken mirrors, shattered glass, Friday 13ths’s is known to bring bad luck, so they say or is it just superstition. Curses are made by actually breaking mirrors, and washing dirty laundry during the new year, so they say, but it is just a superstition. I just don’t think I want to believe all the myths that they believe in. I could believe it but I wouldn’t want to press my luck. I just hope I will be able to reverse the curse, and ignore the blood on the broken pieces of glass. This is what would happen if I would have seen the glass of the broken mirror fall, hit the floor, break and then shatter.

Life In The Fast Lane

Life In the Fast Lane
Sep. 11th, 2008 at 3:11 PM
I will always remember this day, the date that the twin towers were destroyed, and thousands of lives were lost on this day. It was very unbelievable. I have never wrote about it before, but I am going to tell you that I will never forget it. I thought about it today, but you know it is hard to forget, no matter how many years have passed. I can forgive but I want forget it. It was so disasterous. I read a book that reminded me of this in Fiction class last year. The book was called The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I bet everybody will always remember 9/11, it was one of the worst days in history. That was a big mess, it took us years and years to recover from that disaster. It hard to forget the ones who died in this, many innocent people got hurt. So, I guess when you somewhere or any place you never know what could happen. I just hope nothing happens like this again, but I still do not feel safe no matter how tight security is. This disaster is some of the reason for our suffering. It is shame they have to make us put everything in clear plastic bags before we can board a plane. Now we are paying more for gas, the oil prices just rise and fall, rise and fall. It is a shame that gas is $3.99 per gallon right now. These days, many people can't find work or they lose their job. It is just a big mess now, but I hope it will get better one day.I titled it life in the fast lane because I am always rushing, and it is all my fault. I am going in for work, it is going to be a long day. I will try to post that picture for you, you have to see the new colors of Walmart. It looks very different. I will have to take a picture with my phone, because I don't want to take my digital camera in there.I know this city is not a big city, it is not like New York, Chicago, Los Angelos, and Atlanta, but I just call it life in the fast lane, because I live a fast life, because the hours fly by fast. For instance if I wake up at 11:00am, it will be 3:00pm before I know it, and most of the time I want even realize it. Everything is always rushed. I go to work, come home take a day off, and then I am back at work again. The weeks go by so fast, I never have time to do much, I am always going. I can't believe it is already Friday. When it's Monday, it feels like you still have the whole week ahead of you. But, most of the time I don't because I have to work, I don't have time to enjoy everyday of the week. They weeks would probably go by slower if I did. But, I think I would rather be working or doing something. I would not want to be sitting around not doing anything. I would want to be like some people I know, who does not want to work, that is what it seems like to me. It is not fair when you have to spend your time in a place working and they are sitting home, sleeping all the time, instead of trying to find work. It is bad when somebody is in their 50's works more than someone in their 20's. After work Well now it is 1:08 am, I just got back about 30 minutes ago. I forgot to get gas before, I went in. I didn't know that gas was going up until I was at work. After I got off from work to get gas, most stations were out of regular gas. So, I finally found some gas at Hess, it costs about $3.45, for regular, but in most places regular was $3.71 and $3.99. I prefer exxon gas because it lasts a little longer, but I had to get what they had. When I left here gas was $3.54. They said it was going up because of hurricane Ike. I am surprised that gas at the Hess station was still $3.45 when I got off from work. But, it was still crowded though, I had to wait on a tank. I paid $40 and that still didn't quite fill the Ford Windstar or skippy up, my mom came up with the name. I think I could of used just a couple more gallons to fill the tank. I had a half tank before I filled it up. I posted some picture of the walmart below. Notice the yellow, one customer called it a sunshine yellow, then somebody said it was a butterscotch yellow.It 2 different color blues, one is light blue and one is dark. it looks o.k. you can see the new touch screen register. The workers are stripping the floor off of cost cutters, that is why you see all that junk in front of that door.

What I forgot To Tell You

Tuesday, September 09, 2008
I forgot to tell you all what happended yesterday along with what happend today. I hope I am not getting carried away with writing on this blog, posting it everywhere. I do that so for the people who don't have livejournal can see on myspace.

The Rain Poured
Today I got soaked the rain started while I was driving down the road. It rained so hard, it reminded me of flood waters. There were times that I could hardly see the lines on the road and , my windshield wipers were working overtime.

Now it is 2:03am in the morning, I just got off from work at about 11:00pm, but afterwards I had to pick up a few things like orange juice, bananas, avocados, sweet potatoes, and yogurt and the new Gym Class Heroes cd. I thought I should just give it try to see how their new album really sounds. I always pick up things on my way out, why not I am already there. I paid 9.98 for it, and my total came up to about $25.10, boy that was expensive. If it wasn't for the GCH cd, it would of been about $15.00. I think the value of food is really going up. I remember when bananas use to be 49 cents, and now they are 64 cents. Avocados used to be 99 cents, now they are $1.38. Nobody really doesn't eat around my house so, I try to buy as less as possible. Yeah, I know I eat healthy, but i am not afraid of a piece of my mom's friend chicken or a slice of pizza from pizza hut. It is just me and my mom, until my sister moved to New York. My mother usually doesn't eat nothing I buy except the broccoli. I will always ask her mother do you need something, and she will always say no. I used to buy my sister stuff when she was here, but now that she is gone, I don't get to save money, it worsts now, because she has not found a job yet.

I wonder why do I feel as if I have to post a blog everyday, I just don't know why, maybe it is just a habit. I am starting to write on this more, because nobody wants to listen to me when I talk. I think I have been in some places, and been totally ignored, but it didn't bother me. My mother always says I am burning her ears, my sister is clueless, so I can forget about asking her for advice. I really think she is lost in New York, more confused than I am. I hope she will be able to get it together soon. Sometimes I wish we could all be a team and work together. I think sometimes, some people need to take some refresher courses, because sometimes you forget some things about life. These days, I will not be surprised, because anything could happen when it comes to my family. If I need advice I can't go to them, because they have problems of their own. So, now I just try and figure it out for myself, I am on my own. I guess I am the only one that really knows, and I have to decided myself. I don't bring up the subject anymore.

What I say on this blog is what I have been meaning to say or thinking about all day. This the story of a non-famous person's life, the life that the stars would be living if it wasn't for their big break. I wonder how would it feel to be admired by everyone. I wonder would I like being famous. I know one thing, I don't like to have too much money. I feel better when I don't have much money. I just think money is the root of all evil. I would like to have enough to just pay what I need to pay though. But, if I get a bonus check, I will spend it on things I don't need, I am getting better though. I think these days are all about a dollar bill, everything is all about money. Take college for instance, if you don't have your tuition paid by the deadline they will automatically just drop your classes, without options. I know a friend who was behind on a house payment, and they came and moved the trailer off the land. If you don't have the cash, they don't care.

I am sorry for that long previous boring posts, but I hope I will be able to write about something more interesting later or for today. Excuse me for just rambling on this blog, it is as if I am having a real conversation with somebody in a virtual world.

The Third Layer of Skin

Some people just try to find a way to touch that third layer of skin. Sometime I wish I had thick skin, because it can lose its elasticity sometimes, just like a person loses their peace sometimes. If it wasn't for the dermis, I couldn't take all of the contaminents floating around in the atomosphere.. I would probably deteriorate and turn into a fleshless skeleton if it wasn't for those extra layers of protection. Some people just know how to strike those hot nerves, but often times I will try to throw them a curve and just hope that they will just hit and miss. But, sometimes it doesn't always go according to plan, I have to take some low blow sometimes. I could choose to let it go, but sometime I can't control my burning flesh. Sometimes, it feels like the fire, and I just have to give in, so I can cool off. But I could just ignore the feeling no matter how bad it burns. But, sometimes you need to address things, it is hard to hold things in, especially when it is irritating you. It just a disturbance to not say the things you need to say, it could be what someone didn't have the courage to say, so never hold your breath. But, sometimes most things are better let unsaid , if it is offensive. Most the time what offends one person is probably going to offend others to. Anything offensive will not only effect one, but will probably effect all. Out of all the words in the dictionary, why chose one the most piercing words to use. I don't understand why people like to make people feel small, but some people thrive off of hurting people. I don't see how you can get any satisfaction out of that, it would make me feel terrible. I don't understand why do we like to hurt so much. I guess the best way for people to deal with it, is be prepared for it, so you you will be able to take some hits. It will hurt at first, but then the pain will subside with time. I guess you need to find a way to build your dermis so you will not break under pressure, possibly adding some extra layers of protection. I think it always happens when you least expect it, life is full of surprises so be prepared for the unexpected.

One Simple Mistake I made Yesterday

One simple mistake that I made yesterday
Sep. 8th, 2008 at 1:15 PM
This is what happended yesterday
Sunday, September 07, 2008
A Lesson Learned
Today went well until tonight. I think I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I was hard headed I didn't listen. The plan backfired on me. It could have costed me my life. I am glad that I got home safely tonight. I took a friend home in my mother's truck, and she was mad at me when I got home. I will never be able to do it again. I was totally lost because I didn't know where I was, and I have never been there before. If it wasn't for the interstate Augusta I-20 West, I don't know what I would have done. I think I would rather travel the interstate rather than roads and streets.
Today I went to the new school, and I was tested, and now I finally know the results, and the results don't look good. I made a lot of mistakes and, I think I have learned from all of the mistakes I made on the test. There were signs, but I just really couldn't decipher them. I knew I had a strange feeling, that I just couldn't shake, it all started on the 4th of September. I don't really believe in superstitions, but this current chain of events, had me going. My life has been like a hurricane for the past 4 days, hurricane hanna didn't hit here but it feel like I felt the after effects. I You can really be manipulated if you are have a soft heart, always trying to be the hero, always trying to be kind. Sometime it will take a test, to help you really learn. I think I had a big test tonight, more like the mid-term exam and I failed. It shouldn't take a final exam to find out what I know now. As if this mid-term exam wasn't enough. Now the bond is broken, and I don't think it can be mended with just words, or apologies. I never realized that I can cause so much pain, with just one simple mistake, it as easy as driving down the worst street when you have been warned. Your mind can make you do some really bogus things. Mistakes can happen so suddenly, before you have time to think about it. But, when you make them you can't take them back, all you can do is apologize ,but sometimes it is not enough. This is similar to a love affair, but in this situation a man was not involved. My stupid mind got me in trouble tonight, I should of called, I should of thought. But at least I got out of this one unscathed, thank God for getting me home safely, because he is the only one I had at the time, and he is probably going to be the only one I will ever have, I just forget that sometimes. I don't know why he keeps bailing me out of the messes that I get myself into. I always comes so close to crashing, then he can step in and save me at the last minute. I just don't know why he keeps on putting up with, maybe he sees potential, because sometimes I say that there is no hope for me. Maybe he sees something that I don't see.


2 posts in one day you must be special, but that was yesterday, now this is today. It feels like I am a painter sitting in front of a blank canvas, it is up to me to add the color, and make it live, because who is going to color it for me. Sitting here looking at this blank canvas is just so dull and boring, it is good that we have red, blue, and yellow, to color to add some life to the blank white canvas. We need something to bring it to life whether it is the red, yellow, blue colors or descriptive words and metaphors. Also, I don't think nobody could paint it like I pictured it, or imagine it the way I do. I don't think anyone could really see my imagination, or the pictures I create in my mind, it just something that you got that nobody else has. You steals a person's money, beauty, power, but I don't think you could steal their imagination from them.You would not think I can use my imagination, while under pressure. But, usually I try to find ways of being creative in a place that is so routine. I guess I try to use my imagination with people and their personalities, which is all I have to thrive off of. I think you can really use your imagination when it come to people with different personalities. Even but just knowing their face, and their physique is not enough to really know them but you will be able to make a vivid description if you had too. Like the other day I saw a lady that looked just like Amy Winehouse, I wanted to say something so bad, but I just let it go. They resemblance was so weird, she looked just like her, and this was the first time I had seen her. I think meeting new people along the way in this everyday routine, is as about as interesting as it gets. I really meet some very interesting people. I know you can't know people by first impressions but will get to know how they handle pressure. you will know their smile, their language, their laugh, and find out if they have any patience, because their is a lot of waiting involved. You can find if they have a positive public image which is always noticed and admired by many people. I think that really rubs off on me and makes me want to smile. I don't know if it would feel right working behind the scenes, because I have got so used to seeing different people. Trapped in a box everyday just hearing beaps, and running cards and checks through the machine, taking money, saying hellos and goodbyes, it is like a reoccuring chain of events that has been going on for more than one year. Talk about a way to block your creativity.I think you can lose some of your creativity if you stay there too long. Sometime, I blame my inactivity on my routine lifestyle. You get so caught up in the same everyday routine that you can lose some of your imagination and creativity. I think there are probably a lot of artists and singers, working in mills, construction, retail today, but just never had a chance to use their talents. But, I don't really think it is all their fault. Most of the time the world is to blame, for all of this. If they can waist money overseas, they could be helping people get educated. I would think if they had the opportunity they could been who they wanted to be, but they got tangled up in the world, like soldiers, just taking orders like the cadets. Most people want to lead but they choose to just listen to the sergeants and captains as if you are in the armed forces. It is like you are not a cadet, but you need their mentality to follow through with a plan or idea. .i will have to revise this 2nd story, it is unorganized. I know it is late but I just wanted to make this readable, even though there are still a few misspelled words.

Saving My Thoughts For Tonight

Saving My Thoughts For Tonight
Sep. 6th, 2008 at 2:44 PM
I have a lot that I have already written this morning but I just don't have time to post it right now. I will post it tonight. Well I didn't get a picture of the inside of the store today, because I left my phone, I will have to take one tommorrow.


I have so many valid reasons to just hate this world. I could not look you in the eye and tell you that I like the world I am living in. It is not like I am living in heaven so what did I expect a bed of roses. I don't think life can be perfect as long as you are living on earth, their will always be an antagonist everywhere you go. I sometimes say what is a world without a villian or an antagonist. I don't think you could live without one. If I would have never been born, I would not have to worry about all this. But I don't blame my mother and father because I know they weren't thinking at the time, I understand that things happen. So, as of now I don't have any children, and if I don't have any in the future it would probably be for the best. You sometimes think they are not here right now, but if they were would they really want to be here, because I know I don't with all of this violence. If I wasn't never born, I don't think I would want to be born But, now that I am here I am just going to have live in it and there is no other way. I definitely would not want to take my own life on purpose no matter how terrible it may seems. It's bad but it is not worth me taking my own life, I am just going to let it happended naturally. I have made a promise to myself, and no matter how rough it gets, I am going to try to hang on. Then, I cry at funerals, I think I should be rejoicing, because the dead are probably on their way to a better place. I don't have any predictions for the future, I am just living out each day, with no set schedule. I don't have to get married in a year, or I don't have to have kids within the next year. Usually I end up breaking plans, if I make them, so it is best for me not to make them. There are times of joy, but their is more pain and sorrow than happiness. I have actually lied in my bed and cried because of how much I hate the world sometimes. I used to think people were kind, but I had to learn the hard way.

The New Look / 4:45 In The Afternoon

The New Look
Sep. 5th, 2008 at 1:41 AM
Yesterday was Thursday September 4, 2008. Thursday went well, it was just another day, at least is wasn't manic like most days. Work was not so bad. Today I was working on one of the new registers again, now they have the touch screen registers. They are pretty neat, you can see everything that you are doing, but you can still do it the old fashion way, because their is an a keypad on the right. The colors are funky, their is royal blue, light, sky blue, deep yellow, a dark blue, beige. They painted this Walmart that I work in with different shades of blue beiges, yellow, it looks really strange. I don't think I like all the changes that are being made, everything is so messed up. Customer's are usually complaining when they are not able to find the things that they need. I going to have to take picture so you can see the interior. Tommorrow, I don't have nothing planned, I don't know how tommorrow is going to go, but I hope it goes well. Usually on Friday before noon, I always send a Avon campaign order off. I do it online through the website, but you can send it in if you want. I do it online so I can get 2 extra selling days. A order goes off every 2 weeks. I don't have many customers yet, I only have family now. I could pick a couple of businesess and just leave a book. I got to get motivated, if I wasn't working on Saturdays, I could probably get more customers




4:45 In The Afternoon
Sep. 5th, 2008 at 8:26 PM
santailax47
I don't think I could ever forget this route, even if I moved to Australia for a couple of years. I think I have traveled this road so many times before, the same route, the same setting, the same time. Here we are again at the same place at the same time, I am headed toward my destination. The distance use to be a problem which lead to a solution, and the solution to the problem was space. I spend the same amount of minutes in this very hour each time I travel these roads. 4:45 is significant, I know when the clock hits 4:45, I am almost there. I now when the clock 4:45pm, the break is almost over. Also, I've noticed that I keep running into to planes flying while I am driving. They are usually coming from while I am going to. When I'm departing heading toward my destination, they returning and it always happens at about 4:45. When I get to this point, the double lane highway when 55mpm changes to 45mph, I know what is going to happen at 4:45. It usually happens while I'm driving. All I have to do is glance up while I am looking at the road of course and then it happens. The plane is passing by again, on its way to CAE. It is strange that I always know what is going to happen at 4:45. It is hard not notice when it happens at about around the same time everyday when I am on my way. The passengers are always flying high when I am riding low. I don't know if it is safer in the air or on the ground, because theres danger in both directions, so make your choice. When I meet the plane, that indicates that someone is on their way back from somewhere, a place faraway on the otherside of the ocean. Armored powerplanes equipped for the long journey ahead, unlike my v-8 engine car that rolls on wheels, which couldn't possibly make it to New Zealand. Planes can take you anywhere you want to go, they are so complex and cars are so simple, they can only get you to a certain point on the map. Planes are similar to flying birds, because they can only function in air, because you couldn't fly a plane on ground. I can just imagine when it actually hits the ground and comes a sudden hault, the feeling of relief when you been in the air for 35 days, then when you stop, that is a sign of relief. I think the hold time I would be holding my breathe while I am in air, because I always way feel like I am going to fall when I am up high. You know when you walk off the plane and walk steadily down the steps, you are going to get to see your friends and loved ones, it feels like a reunion . They will be awaiting your return and welcoming you back with open arms. It hard to believe that you are back to the place you started from, but it feels so good to be back after the long journey, eventhough it was hard to leave the place you went to. It is always like from here to there, from there to here, back to the place you started from. I know when they land the lobby will be filled with loved ones awaiting their return. When I usually go to airports it is usually sad especially when people are saying their goodbyes, airports can be so emotional, it like not wanting to give away your favorite shirt. I just think leaving is like the barrier, that separates you from someone or something. When you leave you are going to missed your loved ones, when you leave you are going to miss sleeping in your own bed. Sometimes you just wish you could just go away with them, and it make you feel like you don't want to be where you are. Tears, hugs and goodbyes, hellos, I have experienced it to, I don't know how many times I felt like crying when my sister had to return to the airport. It was o.k. during the ride to the airport, and sitting in the lobby talking, but when you hear the announcement about the flight leaving in about 10 minutes, you start to get teary eyed, but I usually try to hold it back, because I don't want to show much emotion. I wish I were a plane so I could fly like a bird but their is a difference. I think it would be easier to be a plane because I would be made of gizmos and gadgets, I would be able to run off of gasoline instead of blood. I want have to deal with all these mixed emotions, and I want have to feel pain. just metallic on the outside and motorized on the inside, no vital living organs. But if I were a bird I would have flesh, vital organs, lungs, liver. I would be able to breathe, bleed, and sing. I would have a beating heart, along with physical attractions to the opposite sex just like humans. The only difference would be being able to fly. But, now I can't change it, and I couldn't be a bird even if I wanted to. A plane ride is going to be just as close as it gets to flying. I could of been a bird, but I would rather be a plane because planes don't run off of calories and carbohydrates, they run off gasoline. The taste of gasoline, I wonder would I even be around to experience the aftertaste. As I'm driving down the road then suddenly I look up and there's that plane again flying while I'm driving. It something to look foward too on your way, because the drive seems long, but long drives are always the best more theraputic than stressful. It used to be something I dreaded, but not is something that i need before I enter the madhouse. The distance is good because, if it was walking distance I would not have this time to refresh and put myself together. While I'mcruising down the road, with the windows rolled down, the air hitting my face, I am just taking it all in, while I can, because I know when the car stops I want even be able to hardly take a breathe of fresh air. I will be breathing through all of the toxins that are in the atomosphere when I am inside. I am trapped inside with no where to hide. Before I get here I always think what will I do if I can get out, I just hope that I don't fall in here, anywhere else but here.

The Eye Of A Storm

The Eye Of A Storm
Sep. 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 PM
This Thursday could be the last one here. I might not get to sit on this floor again, and type these words. They say it is going to be a monster of a storm, but it is just know way to predict it. I guess we will just have to wait until Friday, nervously, because you know I can't be calm before a storm when I know it;s coming. You would have never imagined how a pretty day could turn so dark. Sun up, sun down, coulds in clouds out. There's bright skies dark skies, that occur throughout the day. Then, all of the sudden it feels as if the day has changed to night, the clouds are so black and the sky is so dark. It just startling when you know that their is going to be a tornado or hurricane, you always think about water, food, flash lights, extra batteries, candles. Most of the time you usually left in dark so it is good to be prepared with flashlight and candle light. Those strong whirl winds can take you down, strong enough to lift you up off the groud. If it can uplift a car of house, just imagine how much damage it can do to a person. You just can't beat the forces of nature. If it were possible I wish I could look in the eye of a storm and tell you what I see, but I don't have that ability. I think I will leave that to the weatherman, but sometimes it is impossible for them to predict it. At first I ignored it, but when a customer came through my line and started talking it awakended me, in my mid summer day dream. Most of the time we keep dodging the hits, and I just don't know how long we are going to be able to dodge them. It is like coming inches away from hitting a tree while you driving down the road. like being on your death bed in a hospital fighting for your life, that is how close we have come to being hit. Oh the eye of storm is dangerous like a strong force that can't be defeated by man. It is quiet now and the weather is perfect, and it is hard to believe that their is going to be a storm. You would think how does a pretty day turn into a disaster so fast. It so unpredictable, and you when it comes you can stop it, so I think it is best to be prepared. I don't know if it would be better to live on the east coast or west coast. On the east coast there's tornado's and hurricanes and on the west coasts there's earthquakes and blizzard. I talk to a lady yesterday who said she had lived in CA for 20 years. She told me she had to live through earthquakes, and she said they were terrible. Then, she said she had been living in SC for almost 20 years, without getting hit by the tornados and hurricanes. We just hope it doesn't effect us too much.

Strange Things Happen In September

Strange Things Happen In September
Sep. 2nd, 2008 at 11:10 PM
Oh, most of the times, I hear the door crack every now and then, just wonder is it here. It happens quite often, and I being to feel that I am not alone. I beginining to think this house is haunted, because I hear the door crack almost everyday. Is this what I am feeling, is this what I am sensing, the presence of a spirit in the room. Today was weirder than most days, I just don't know what it was. It felt like an evil spirit was haunting me all day. I guess it jumped on me when I was at home, and I carried it with me all day, because I just could seem to shake this strange feeling. Sometimes, I would like to know why did the evil spirit choose me to pick on today. But, I know if it wouldn't have been me it would have been someone else, so I guess it was just my day to be haunted. Sometimes I just get strange vibes on some days. I don't know what it is, just hope it is just a coincidence and I thought evil spirits only haunt me people at night, but they appearing in the day. Their bold, their brave, to appear in the light, because they are invisible, but I can tell when they are here. They can't hide from me because I can sense their presence, so eerie. I try to ignore these strange feelings. I just don't know what it is, could it be the month of September, the cursed month. Sometimes strange things always happens in September, September is sometimes even more dramatic that October 31. It like you are in a horror movie all throughout the month. I don't understand why it always storms in September, and it is usually now rain or snow storm, it is a total disaster. Some people have been saying that hurricane hanna is going to hit close to here. On the news the weatherman said that, the winds could be 85mph to a category 2 storm. I don't know how severe that is. Usually storms hit Mrytle Beach, Charleston, Florida, New Orleans, but it sometimes misses parts of SC. We just keep dodging the bullet. But, from the way the customers were talking it sounds like it is going to be pretty bad.

The Five Senses

Sep. 1st, 2008 at 10:17 PM
santailax47
I need my eyes to see as much as I need my ears to hear. I need my skin to feel as much at I need my tongue to taste. My skin when I touch I can feel the electrical nerve impulse ignite, as I am typing this I can feel the impact of the keys against my hand, it is not like it hurts, it is just a feeling. Don’t get scalded by the splash of water or an iron, it only takes one touch to feel it. You will definitely feel the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, and you will probably be wearing a scar. Don’ let me fall fast and hard, because I know I will be feeling the sensation all the way from my head through my arms to my fingers, through my legs all the way down to the soles of my feet. Also, I have to beware of the hornets, because if they sting, especially the sensitive skin thats protect my face from infection, the electrical impulse will ignite immediately, Oh I just don't want to feel the stinging and burning, it feels like I am on fire. The pain so severe, so severe, that it can bring you to tears. And the whole time I am thinking about the severity of the nerve damage, and will I be able to withstand it while i'm burning. I always think could this be the end of life, I never realized that I could stop breathing, due to the pain and the nerve damage.

Oh those colds winds, and it seems like they try to target some of the most sensitive areas of my body, like my face and hands. On those cold winter days and nights I felt like my face was half frozen, and it feels like I have lost all feeling, now my face is so numb. It doesn't feel like I have a face now. It so cold, so cold that I can feel the tingling in my hands, I can't feel anything right now, I'm numb. Now, I feel like a paralyzed person who can't feel their legs. Right now I am feeling like I am about 98.6 degress, but when the cold winds hits my human body, I know that my body temperature will drop lower. I'm feeling like I am 50 degrees right now, and I know that it is steadily continue to drop, as long as I am out here in the cold. If I don't find some fire, my temperature is just going to drop lower and lower. The lower it drops the more life threatening it becomes. I never new that my life could be on the line. When it hits 10 degrees, I know that I am headed toward to zero, possibly 0 degrees below., the danger zone, possibly the dead zone. I can feel anything but all I know is that I am breathing right now. I am in touch with my emotions, knowing where I m is a good sign. I just wonder could it be possible to survive if it gets 0 below. I know my eyes will not be open for long if I don't find a way to get my body temperature back to 98.6 degrees, the magic number. Be careful because the weather is like the silent killer, like carbon monoxide poison. Who would of ever thought that I would be knocking on death’s door. I guess I could of dealt with this weather If I would have been able to find fire, shelter, more layers of clothing to warm my body. It too bad I don't have another person's body heat, but when you don't have one or the other you could be knocking on death's door, just like that.. I now no that hot weather and cold weather is not a real friend of mine. Hot weather and cold weather is not on my side, I consider them as enemies but you got to know how to deal with these two forces of nature. I never knew that cold weather, could do so much damage, deadly as any other weapon that can be used to protect or harm. When it is a 0 degrees below, you will not be able to survive for long, so if you want to harm somebody, just leave them stranded in the woods when it is 0 degrees below.

I know some people say they don’t have feeling but I bet if you go outside and stand in the snow when it is cold you’re feeling will come back. you definitely be activation your sense of touch quicker than you can burn. Some people say they don’t know when it is hot, but just stand out side in the blazing hot sun, when it is a 100 degrees, and in the humid air, and if you don’t sweat maybe you aren’t human, maybe you are like a amphibian that only comes out when it is hot, born for human blazing hot temperatures, the tropical climates. I know there is something that can make you perspire it is proven that you can't stay 98.6 degrees if you are cold weather or in hot weather. In cold weather if it was for your the layers of clothing heating your body, regulating your body temperature, you would freeze and could possibly die. In hot weather, if you are if you can feel the humid hot air hit your face, and feel that hot sun burning your skin, you are going to burn, it will take all of the water that you had bottle up, it will suck you dry, which is the reason water is life. If it was for the cool air from a fan or an AC to keep your temperatature at 98.6 degrees or below you could collaspe and possibly die.

It may need more revisions.