A Jaded Rock

August 26, 2008
Today, was a very hectic day, I am sad that, I had problems with my mother's van the one I am driving, I had to drive her Ford F-150 truck to work today. I really look awkward in this truck, because it is too big for me, but I didn't have a choice, because I didn't want to risk driving her van to work, because it was running a fever. I like driving her truck and when I drive her truck, I can always listen to my CD's, because the van doesn't have a CD player. The problem with the van is that it has been running hot lately, even after I fill the radiator with water. When I first drive off, it is fine, but when I get on down the road, the hand on the gauge rises, and it rises to the max. Then, I would think I have just put water in the radiator, so why does it keep getting hot. It was like that all day yesterday when I went to Columbia, I didn't think it was a big deal, because it didn't go all the way to the red line. Sometimes, it would always come back down a little, but now much, but then decided that I better say something if I want to ever ride in this van again. Then, we would have 2 cars sitting in the yard, my blue escort, and my mom's gray van. Work wasn't that bad today, but I always wonder at why do they always put me on the same register everytime. I have been on that register 3 days in a row. While I was at work today, it stormed, it really poured! I thought about Fall Out Boy song, "The Calm Before The Storm" , set it off and the sun burst out tonight, reception less than warm set it off, and the sun burst out tonight.

waking up in a dream, so it seems, when you conscious of your unconscious you don't know what is really real. I know when I close my eyes I will forget. Now it is 4am, and I'm still awake, but aware that when close my eyes and fall a sleep, I will not remember. I know when I close eyes, I will soon be unconscious, possible never opening my eyes again, or being awakened by a dream. I wonder what happens during this time, I will never know unless I'm dreaming conscious the moment I closed my eyes, still thinking but I can't remember anything after that.When I am sleep I am unconscious of what I am am doing, and when I wake it seems like I had a case of amnesia, serious memory loss. All I can remember is waking up to a new day. I can't remember what happended during the sleep, unless I am dreaming.










Hello Friends,

Today I am kind of tired, I had to drive all the way to Michael's to find some sealant, for my sister's leather bag, with my car running a fever. I just filled the radiator the other day, now I am convinced that it has a leak somewhere. I have been meaning to get on here all day. I have been working on the scrapbook. I just hope I will be able to finally finish it soon. I have not listened to Fast Times At Barrington High, much today only this morning while I was lying in bed, and I listening to a few songs in the car before the batteries died on me. I take a portable CD player with speakers sometime if you are wondering about that. I think it is time to listen to it again, because it stopped in the car. Usually night is the only time I can listen, because their’s always interruptions. Most of the time when I get ready for work I have to put it in my regular CD player. And can you believe that, I don't have a MP3 player yet. You don't know how long it took me to buy a new computer. I had a emachines with an intel celeron processor for 7 years, it finally quit on me this year so I was forced to buy this new computer. But when I do listen to it, I get a few minutes of peace. I think it is just a habit to write on my livejournal, I'm so sorry if I post each day, but I think it has become a habit, I am just trying to keep it live. Nobody at home, doesn't want to listen to me, they always say do I ever shut up, so that is why I am talking to whoever is listening. I know what I write about might not be that exciting, but I just write what I am actually thinking about at the time. Did you know that habits form in 21 days? I hope the number times that I edit is not irritating, and I hardly ever use spell check.

The waiting is the hardest part, it takes your heart, it makes you weak. It just depletes half of my energy. I hope I have enough gas left to make it through the week, just hoping that I will be able to find that motivation. Just hoping that I will be able persevere through all this time. I can spark the desire, that fire, that I once had for this. But, the waiting is the hardest part, just running out of patience and time. I can't wait on you to believe in me. I don't know what is wrong, but something is not right. I don't know if it was ever al right. But I I just can't think about it. It difficult pretending to be blind., you don’t know how hard it is to pretend that you can’t see the stars, you don’t know how it is to pretend that you don‘t feel a strange vibe in the atmosphere. I can sense it sometime, and it is a weird feeling. I am silent through all the noise, and I have learned to just keep my peace no matter how much it disturbs me. All I can do is just keep my head high and try to keep a smile.

What ever happened to knowledge, experience, and motivation the main essentials, that a person should have, what is wrong with them, because a book should not be judge by its appearance, and that is the truth. I don’t think it is fair to judge a person by their appearance, what ever happened to the inside appearance, what is hiding on the inside. You will never know what you will find on the inside of a jaded rock, maybe a treasure, but you will never know unless you look inside.

I meant to post this Sunday, August 24, 2008

Moments don’t last, they are gone in just one second, and there is not way you can stop it. I usually can stop everything else, but time. I can only imagine the time being stopped when I stop my clock or watch. So, may I suggest living in a moment , because you can’t stop it for a second , but you could capture it. You could live it or waste it, if you choose . When I am living a moment I don’t think about it until it is over. The worst part about a moment that it can‘t last forever, it has to end, but you don’t have to forget. It is hard to forget special moments, but it is so easy to forget a math concept. I couldn’t forget a special moment if I tried, I still remember being 8 years old. It amazing how you can remember years like it were yesterday. I remember you sitting in that same chair that day, like it were yesterday. I remember the carpet used to be blue, before it was burgundy. I remember that old store used to be a ice cream shop. I remember graduation, because I was behind this boy that I use to be in every one of my classes. I remember, I remember, I will always remember it, no matter how much time has passed. Awaiting a moment can seem like forever, but these times are rolling., if you can remember your cousin being 5 years old now that he is 20, grew up before my eyes. I didn’t realize it until now. Reality is that he is 20, now all grown up, getting ready to soar high. When it get’s here, it is here, no turning back, and it is no way you can stop it. Some moments are so special, and those are the moments you would like to relive, those are the moments the best times of our life, that we wish we could relive. We can relive them if we have the memories, we can relive them if we remember these times. We can relive them with a picture, we can relive them with a memory You can’t do nothing but capture the moments or add them to memory. Remember moments don’t live they pass, but you can capture them as they pass by. You don’t have to forget them, you don’t have to let them go. And even if you tried to forget,
You couldn’t. I guess when you live a moment, it would be hard to forget it. It was here, but now it is gone, but it will not be forgotten.