Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

We all have excuses, valid or invalid reasons for doing something or not doing something or we all have excuses for other people valid or invalid for doing something or not doing something. Excuses, excuses, excuses, is all you ever have, excuses, excuses, excuses is all you give me I have my own excuses, so I can take yours. I have my own excuses and you certainly don’t have to make them for me. I can easily come up with valid reasons for not joining the mystery book club, or not going to my cousins house, I’m sure they understand that I have to work.
I could of came up with a reason for not going to the concert, like how I am going to get out of this one, but I did not have any excuse for not going, you made one for me. I excepted your excuse and that is what stopped me, your fears stopped me. You made me have a relaspe, and I thought about that time when the car flipped, I was motionless, strapped to the seat, turned over, this it made me realize what was really important, the fact of not ever being the same when I returned, or the thought of never seeing you again or the thought of being hurt in a terrible car accident. These were some of my biggest fears, but I tried to keep them on the back of mind, I just couldn‘t let the fear overpower me. Did you know I could of rebelled and went anyway. But after hearing all of the what if’s and all of your sermons, I just relasped and thought about that time when that car flipped, still conscious and strapped to the seat. I gave in and just finally accepted your excuse. I accepted your excuse but I could of rebelled against it, I could of just rebelled against all of these fears, but I just decided to except your poor reasons for an excuse. If it wasn’t for you I would not have had an excuse, but I didn’t think I needed one. I sacrificed this day for you, I sacrificed my life for you, because I know you would have done the same for me.


The Song That I Keep In My Heart
Aug. 16th, 2008 at 3:11 PM
A song that I held in my heart, is how I made it through this. It slowed down my bleating heart. This song touched my heart, when I was torn apart. Could I ever forget the words, that saved me from myself, could I forget the sound that awakened my senses, when I was numb. One song is all that mattered, words so powerful, unlike anything that have heard before, I finally found something to tranquilize these raging thoughts that reoccur. I think this medicine, unlike any doctor’s medicine, was all I needed to wipe out these thoughts. When I heard the words and the sounds it moderated my breath. This song, can lay my raging thoughts to rest for a while, just hoping that the relief will last throughout the day. These recurring thoughts arise every once in while, but when I play this song,my mind recharges. I need this quick burst of power to make it through the hour hoping that it will last until it is time to recharge again. It feel safe knowing that I have this song. I think my mind is similar to ROM, cause it can hold memory forever. These days, I just can't leave without my favorite song. If I can't hear it, I will play it in my ipodic mind. Let's keep it playing but if it stops that alright. If it stops I will play my jam in my head. This song is my savior, thanks for this, eventhough I don't deserve it. I just want to rejuvenate all of the dead cells that are stored in my body, so I can sleep at night.


Dealing With Emotions
Aug. 15th, 2008 at 12:36 PM
This is how I really feel sometime, I mean I can go into a room where people are crying about something or worshiping God, I just express myself in a different way. Then people think because I don't cry or don't talk, that I don't care, but I really care, but I just have a different way of expressing it at the time.
Please excuse me for not shedding a tear, just because I show no emotion at the moment doesn’t mean that I don‘t care. Please excuse me for this silence, just because I don’t speak, doesn’t mean that I don‘t care. Do I have to speak or cry about every emotion, even those sacred emotions. Some emotions are just hard for me to express when I am in a crowed room. Just cause you don’t see me cry, doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I am just different, I hope I don’t seem like I don’t care because I never shed a tear, when somebody cries. I have a different way of dealing with my emotions, I respect the ways that you deal with them though. And it is o.k. to cry. I know that when I enter this place, I going to have to deal with a lot of emotions, that I am just not feeling at the time, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. When you there crying telling your story, I'm touched eventhough I frown, and bow my head. I guess you got to accept that people express themselves in different ways. It just takes a lot to make me cry in a crowded room. It is a possibility that I probably want shed a tear, but it doesn't mean I don't feel your pain Please excuse me if I don’t shout it out, just know that it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I was never for getting too tangled up in my emotions, but it is a time an place for everything, but now is just not time. If I lived off of every emotion, I don’t think I would be here to day. There a time a place for everything, but now is not the time. I just can think about the feeling forever, especially if it is an emotion, that is going to make me cry. It is a time and place for everything, but now is not the time, just know that I don’t have to cry to feel your pain, It might seem like I am emotionless and speechless, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care