Last Day Of August

Last days of August, are passing by, It is hard to believe that this is the last day of August again. The good times are rolling along, the times I live for. But, I would just prefer to just sleep through the bad times, I wish the bad times could be like my 6 to 8 hours sleeps that I can’t even remember. I can’t believe tomorrow will begin a brand new month, and pretty soon we will be ringing in a new season all over again. The naked trees, and green orange gold, reddish brown leaves have falling to the ground by the second. It seems like a cold winter storm has hit. The fierce winds making the leaves rustle, the sound is so profound. The winter storms can be mean, and after seeing the world who could blame them. I don’t know if is punishment or just a coincidence. Sometimes I feel like a naked tree with no leaves. But, I know in springtime I will bloom again, because the winter will not last forever. But, then the strong winds can build up in the atmosphere, and then explode. I don’t know if it is punishment or just a coincidence that it started in this particular location cool days, and cold nights. The last days of August, oh I can’t believe that the month is almost over again. August 1 has come and gone, it was only 4 weeks to live in August. I never think about until the last day of the month. I remember August 1, I was thinking I have 30 days ahead of me, September seems so far away, especially on August 1. Now, I can really envision the Christmas season, even though it is only September. Then, think about October, 30 days away, but just remember on October 1, there is no time to waste, because it will be October 31 before you even realize it. It goes by fast, but not as fast as a 6 to 8 hour night sleep that you can’t even remember when you wake up. Most time you are conscious of the days, but during the August, September, October nights you lose consciousness when you are actually sleep, I guess that is how it will be when you die. Then, we think I wonder how would it feel to be dead, I guess you will never know. But, that not to much time out of your 16 waking hours to lose. Because it is good to recharge, because the body just can’t run off air. But, now that is August 31, I can’t even remember everything about August. It time for learning, and the football fever is rising high.

probably needs revising.

The Last Days Of August

Aug. 30th, 2008 at 11:50 PM

I think today was Ryan Ross's birthday. I hope he had a great day. Ryan Ross is the guitarist and lyricist of Panic At The Disco. I have always admired his lyrics and his guitar playing. Also Michael Jackson's birthday was yesterday August 29, the day before Ryan's birthday.Today was like any other Saturday, I had to work. Then, If I were here would I be wishing that I would have worked. I really don't think I could live here in peace, it might be better when I am working. I think I like working, I sure wouldn't want to sit around here and do nothing. It would drive me crazy, I don't think I need to have too much time on my hands. Did you know I thought the neighbors were gone, but sometime at night there's always a light on. I thought they would be in China by now, but maybe they have not left yet. They are planning on going to China to live, that is huge step. I would have never thought that they would be moving to China. But, moving to China, sounds exciting! I think they have low crime rate. But, I don't know if I would want to live in China, maybe for a couple of months but not forever. I have always wanted to go the China, but I have never been before, and I couldn't tell you when I will get there. Since they have been gone, it hasn't been the same, around here because I was so used to their company. You get so used to the lights, the cars, their presence. I never realized it until they were gone. I'm really afraid that the next group of people will not be as peaceful as they were, they were some of the best neighbors I just hope they will run up on my post eventually.

This Friday

This Friday
Aug. 29th, 2008 at 7:45 PM
Well today, was today, just another manic Friday, I wish it was Saturday, because that's my fun day, because I don't have to run day. but the part about that fun day, and I don't have to run day, is not all the way true, because I have to work on Saturday. The van, that I am driving, actually my mom's van, a 1996 Ford Windstar. I took it to the shop, and then drove it to work yesterday, and then took it back because it was skipping and jerking. So, I took it back up there this morning, because he said if we had any more problems please bring it back up there. So my mom took it up there today, and then later this afternoon, we went to go pick it up. So, we drove it today, and I going to drive it tommorrow to see how it drives, hopefully it will past the test.

Life is all about taking chances, but everybody doesn't get those chances to take. Most of the time if they miss the chance or never have the opportunity they could get off course. Most of time people will just end up living a cliche life. I don't think every chance you take is playing it safe, because it really hard to tell what is real, and what is false. just waiting on a chance, like a fish hunting for food, but they must be careful not to catch the bait, that the fisherman use to set them up. But, I just hope when the times comes, it will not tie me down, I just hope it will not be another setup. I just hope this chance will not be setting me up for a major downfall. It is easy to go down the wrong road and I sure hope that my love for this doesn't fade away, because all the waiting can drain all of the desire you have for something.You could end up wasting yourself on something that was never really real, most people just go with the motions, and just ride the waves. And I just think that could be self torturous to chose to live this way. I don't think it is good to change colors like a chamiioin when necessary. Adapting to the situation is good, but one day the truth is going to haunt your conscience, and it is going to hit you in time. It could be sadder than your funeral, if you don't speak now.

I just hope I will thinking the same sweet thoughts, I just hope nothing perishes. But, after all the waiting your mind will have a lot of time to wonder, which can make you loose the desire . After all this waiting, do you think you will have the motivation to do this, after 2 years of time. I guess if you still feel have love for it go for it will all that that you have, and don't be afraid to purse it. It never hurts to experiment, to try to come up with an conclusion, which could possibly lead to solution. It could be the key to finding your true identity, your craft, your passion. Maybe you will be able to find out if the dream was really real. You will find it so don't worry, the time will come.

I know I just can't waste time waiting, so I must venture, just to pass the time, and maybe somewhere along the way, halfway in between I will find something to believe in. Whatever it was I was keeping and overtime if I'm still craving it, I have an idea. But while I wait, I will not waste time, because I don't know when my breathing will stop. I don't know how long I will be live. While I wait quite naturally I going to come up with a different stragedy I got to make a move, I got to find a different stragedy, even if it means I will have to lie to myself, see we are all guilty of this, eventhough we should not be. I have been waiting so long for this, but when the light turns green I will not yield. After all this waiting, will I be able to rekindle this desire, that once caused this burning within. After all this space, I wonder will I still love this as much as I do right now. I just wonder will the time and space separate you from something. I guess during this time of wonder, you could discover the truth. And it is important to remember that desire never dies, and it will always be the same no matter how much time you stay away .

Stranded All Day

My Accident
Aug. 28th, 2008 at 3:13 PM
Could I really be hurt this time, today, a few minutes I tripped over something and my ankle turned to the left, I just hope I didn't sprang my ankle, if I did this will be the first time I have had a spranged ankle. It is hard to explain it like your walking in some shoes and your shoes turn over to the right or left. Sometimes it will make you say woah. How does it supposed to feel, I hope I will be able to walk on it because I have to go to work. It still feels weird though, but it doesn't hurt, so maybe I am alright. I hope I will not have to go to the doctor. I think I would buy a ankle brace, before I go to the doctor. I would visit other places but, I am running out of time. I have to be to work at 5:30pm, the rush hour, that is when most people are leaving from work. Also, I think this is the worst time to drive or be on the road. I don't know how I make it through, it sure is not easy to drive through all that traffic. I just have to really keep my eyes on the road, and stay focused. I think it would be best if I leave early but I always leave with just enough time to get there. I am trying to get in the habit of leaving a litte earlier, but it seems like I always end up leaving late or with just enough time to get there. I am going to be honest, things are going to be unpredictable, I just don't want to make promises that I can't keep. I guess if you don't know, don't make conclusions, which is false evidence until proven real. Promises are sacred to me, so if I give you my promise, that is big. If I give you my promises, please accept them. Please remember that my promise is a sacred as my beating heart. Do ever think about if your heart stops while your'e awake at night lying in bed, so while you are breathing, think about your life, and how you want to live it. Anything else I wouldn't take it too heart, but if I promise and put my hand on The Bible, that is a promise I can break. If things are going to be unpredictable, I won't make any promises, if things are going to be unpredictable, i am not going to make any plans. I think I need to start thinking with the left side of my brain, before I start making promises, because I don't want to have to come up with another excuse for my lies.

Stranded All Day
Aug. 27th, 2008 at 6:54 PM
Today I woke up at about 9:30am to take my mom's van to the shop down the road, it is in walking distance. I drove the van up there and my mom followed me and took me back home, eventhough it was in walking distance. I was stranded all day, I couldn't go anywhere, but I was not bored, I stay here on the computer, washed my hair, wrapped it, now it looks like I have a helmet on my head, it takes a long time to dry. I attempted to clean up a little. A funny thing happended today, I was expecting my mom to call me, because the guy was going to call her when my car was ready, and she was going to call me. But, it didn't work that way, I got a surprise visit, from the mechanic, he knocked on the door. He was no stranger, he is a friend of my uncle's and he is my mother's friend friend. He had went by the store where my mom works, and then he came by here. I didn't know he was going to show up unexpected. I had just washed my hair and I had to go out of the house with a wrap, or my hair wrapped around my head. It was kind of embarassing. I apologized and he said it was o.k. because you still look great even with wet hair. My life is like a musical the songs are the soundtrack to my life to be

continued......................................................



Today I woke up at about 9:30am to take my mom's van to the shop down the road, it is in walking distance. I drove the van up there and my mom followed me and took me back home, even though it was in walking distance. I was stranded all day, I couldn't go anywhere, but I was not bored, I stay here on the computer, washed my hair, wrapped it, now it looks like I have a helmet on my head, it takes a long time to dry. I attempted to clean up a little. A funny thing happened today, I was expecting my mom to call me, because the guy was going to call her when my car was ready, and she was going to call me. But, it didn't work that way, I got a surprise visit, from the mechanic, he knocked on the door. He was no stranger, he is a friend of my uncle's and he is my mother's friend friend. He had went by the store where my mom works, and then he came by here. I didn't know he was going to show up unexpected. I had just washed my hair and I had to go out of the house with a wrap, or my hair wrapped around my head. It makes you look like you don't have hair, like a short haircut. If you do wrap your hair, it want be as frizzy, and you want have to blow dry it, it saves some energy. It was kind of embarrassing. I apologized and he said it was o.k. because you still look great even with wet hair.

My life is like a musical these songs are the soundtrack to my life excuse me idol, did you know that you are singing my life, it is like you described. There's always a song for every emotion. There are love songs for time times when you are in love There are sad songs for the times when you cry. There are happy songs for times when you want to rejoice. Every emotion is like a song, the life enhancers. This could possibly make your sour days be sweeter, so you can get the bitter taste out your month. But, it leaves a long lasting after taste that will eventually go away with time.

I must confess that, even though I laugh, I cry sometime. I must reveal that even though I smile, I hurt sometime. I must say that even though I love I hate sometimes. Dear hero, did you know that you are telling my story, your songs are my life. I could live without out, but why deprive myself. I know a part of me would be missing. I know I would not have that extra support, to help me make it through the day, if it wasn't for your songs. How do you think I made it through, after all this time. How do you think it felt to feel like you are wasting your time. If this song never existed I would not have ever known it, and I would have still been out there working harder to make it through life. Even though it is rough, your music has made things go smoother. I'm alright as long as the music is playing, but even if it stops I should be fine, because I will still have the song in my head. I will be fine, you don't have to worry, because I can play it when I need to hear it.

A Jaded Rock

August 26, 2008
Today, was a very hectic day, I am sad that, I had problems with my mother's van the one I am driving, I had to drive her Ford F-150 truck to work today. I really look awkward in this truck, because it is too big for me, but I didn't have a choice, because I didn't want to risk driving her van to work, because it was running a fever. I like driving her truck and when I drive her truck, I can always listen to my CD's, because the van doesn't have a CD player. The problem with the van is that it has been running hot lately, even after I fill the radiator with water. When I first drive off, it is fine, but when I get on down the road, the hand on the gauge rises, and it rises to the max. Then, I would think I have just put water in the radiator, so why does it keep getting hot. It was like that all day yesterday when I went to Columbia, I didn't think it was a big deal, because it didn't go all the way to the red line. Sometimes, it would always come back down a little, but now much, but then decided that I better say something if I want to ever ride in this van again. Then, we would have 2 cars sitting in the yard, my blue escort, and my mom's gray van. Work wasn't that bad today, but I always wonder at why do they always put me on the same register everytime. I have been on that register 3 days in a row. While I was at work today, it stormed, it really poured! I thought about Fall Out Boy song, "The Calm Before The Storm" , set it off and the sun burst out tonight, reception less than warm set it off, and the sun burst out tonight.

waking up in a dream, so it seems, when you conscious of your unconscious you don't know what is really real. I know when I close my eyes I will forget. Now it is 4am, and I'm still awake, but aware that when close my eyes and fall a sleep, I will not remember. I know when I close eyes, I will soon be unconscious, possible never opening my eyes again, or being awakened by a dream. I wonder what happens during this time, I will never know unless I'm dreaming conscious the moment I closed my eyes, still thinking but I can't remember anything after that.When I am sleep I am unconscious of what I am am doing, and when I wake it seems like I had a case of amnesia, serious memory loss. All I can remember is waking up to a new day. I can't remember what happended during the sleep, unless I am dreaming.










Hello Friends,

Today I am kind of tired, I had to drive all the way to Michael's to find some sealant, for my sister's leather bag, with my car running a fever. I just filled the radiator the other day, now I am convinced that it has a leak somewhere. I have been meaning to get on here all day. I have been working on the scrapbook. I just hope I will be able to finally finish it soon. I have not listened to Fast Times At Barrington High, much today only this morning while I was lying in bed, and I listening to a few songs in the car before the batteries died on me. I take a portable CD player with speakers sometime if you are wondering about that. I think it is time to listen to it again, because it stopped in the car. Usually night is the only time I can listen, because their’s always interruptions. Most of the time when I get ready for work I have to put it in my regular CD player. And can you believe that, I don't have a MP3 player yet. You don't know how long it took me to buy a new computer. I had a emachines with an intel celeron processor for 7 years, it finally quit on me this year so I was forced to buy this new computer. But when I do listen to it, I get a few minutes of peace. I think it is just a habit to write on my livejournal, I'm so sorry if I post each day, but I think it has become a habit, I am just trying to keep it live. Nobody at home, doesn't want to listen to me, they always say do I ever shut up, so that is why I am talking to whoever is listening. I know what I write about might not be that exciting, but I just write what I am actually thinking about at the time. Did you know that habits form in 21 days? I hope the number times that I edit is not irritating, and I hardly ever use spell check.

The waiting is the hardest part, it takes your heart, it makes you weak. It just depletes half of my energy. I hope I have enough gas left to make it through the week, just hoping that I will be able to find that motivation. Just hoping that I will be able persevere through all this time. I can spark the desire, that fire, that I once had for this. But, the waiting is the hardest part, just running out of patience and time. I can't wait on you to believe in me. I don't know what is wrong, but something is not right. I don't know if it was ever al right. But I I just can't think about it. It difficult pretending to be blind., you don’t know how hard it is to pretend that you can’t see the stars, you don’t know how it is to pretend that you don‘t feel a strange vibe in the atmosphere. I can sense it sometime, and it is a weird feeling. I am silent through all the noise, and I have learned to just keep my peace no matter how much it disturbs me. All I can do is just keep my head high and try to keep a smile.

What ever happened to knowledge, experience, and motivation the main essentials, that a person should have, what is wrong with them, because a book should not be judge by its appearance, and that is the truth. I don’t think it is fair to judge a person by their appearance, what ever happened to the inside appearance, what is hiding on the inside. You will never know what you will find on the inside of a jaded rock, maybe a treasure, but you will never know unless you look inside.

I meant to post this Sunday, August 24, 2008

Moments don’t last, they are gone in just one second, and there is not way you can stop it. I usually can stop everything else, but time. I can only imagine the time being stopped when I stop my clock or watch. So, may I suggest living in a moment , because you can’t stop it for a second , but you could capture it. You could live it or waste it, if you choose . When I am living a moment I don’t think about it until it is over. The worst part about a moment that it can‘t last forever, it has to end, but you don’t have to forget. It is hard to forget special moments, but it is so easy to forget a math concept. I couldn’t forget a special moment if I tried, I still remember being 8 years old. It amazing how you can remember years like it were yesterday. I remember you sitting in that same chair that day, like it were yesterday. I remember the carpet used to be blue, before it was burgundy. I remember that old store used to be a ice cream shop. I remember graduation, because I was behind this boy that I use to be in every one of my classes. I remember, I remember, I will always remember it, no matter how much time has passed. Awaiting a moment can seem like forever, but these times are rolling., if you can remember your cousin being 5 years old now that he is 20, grew up before my eyes. I didn’t realize it until now. Reality is that he is 20, now all grown up, getting ready to soar high. When it get’s here, it is here, no turning back, and it is no way you can stop it. Some moments are so special, and those are the moments you would like to relive, those are the moments the best times of our life, that we wish we could relive. We can relive them if we have the memories, we can relive them if we remember these times. We can relive them with a picture, we can relive them with a memory You can’t do nothing but capture the moments or add them to memory. Remember moments don’t live they pass, but you can capture them as they pass by. You don’t have to forget them, you don’t have to let them go. And even if you tried to forget,
You couldn’t. I guess when you live a moment, it would be hard to forget it. It was here, but now it is gone, but it will not be forgotten.

The Double Dose

My head is spinning, and this could get out of control. It good to take on 5 thoughts all at one time. I can find away to be numb my senses, so I am insensitive to all of noise, the crashes, and the voices that I'm hearing. I think I will be able to write my best story through all the noise, eventhough peace and quiet would be nice, but who needs it. Luckily, I can find ways to focus, even through all of the noise, I think I can be invincible even through one of the most heated conversations. I think I can be insentive to one of the most loudest crashes. You never know I could be playing my favorite song in my head, during the time. You never know I could be in New York, while you are tripping. Did you know I could be there at the same time I am with you, that is just how I am designed, finely crafted. You will never know, when I'm dreaming, I could be dreaming while you are complaining. I could be in daze, even when you curse me. You words, have no effect on me, I think they have lost some of their effectiveness. What is going on in mind my and how does it absorb of this information. Is hard to slow down in these fast times, but I will find a way to gradually bring it down in the end. I can find a way to breathe through this, could you live through this. Eventhough my head spinning, and my thoughts are crashing, I going to find a way escape for a while, just for a moment, to stop the explosion. There could be a double dose later, because the time is winding down

I promised you a double dose, so I am going to post. Well my day went o.k., I let the time slip on me as usually. It reminds me of one of The Academy Is's new songs, Summer Hair=Forever Young, and it is line in one of the songs that says suddenly we're all running out of time, and that is the truth. I am always running out of time when I am home, but not at work. I don' t have much to talk about today but work. I don't know if you want to here my story, I wouldn't want you to go to sleep. The other day, this man in my line was flirting with me. He just kept staring at me and smiling, and he was an older man, I mean old enough to be my father, and I was like man you need to go ahead on. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, and if I was married, and I said no. Then, asked me if I want to go to dinner. I was like would this man please go ahead on, he should be ashamed of himself. He was probably in his 50's or 60's. I just laughed, but in my head I was thinking I would not date this man, oh my goodness go away. I would have never thought that he would be the one to flirt with me, but nothing surprises me these days. Sometimes, I just want to hide from some customers. I have a lot of problems with spanish guys, sometimes they just stare, stare, stare, and stare, and sometimes it can make you uncomfortable, but I am used to it. I sometimes think, why are they staring at me like that, and when they are staring they are usually smiling, this happended to me today. Sometimes they stare so hard, so hard until it makes me laugh. It is like don't you know it is rude to stare, especially the way they stare.
Don't ask me why it is bold?

The Fourth Friday

The Fourth Friday
August 22, 2008
I am just glad that, my friend/co-worker was not mad, because I didn't come all the way from my house and take her to work in my mother's van. Well, today we went to Applebee's for lunch. I didn't leave here until about 12:50pm and got to Walmart, the place where we meet up at 1:30pm, then that is when we went to Applebee's. I ordered the chicken sandwich, she order a spanish type dish. At first, I didn't have any idea where to eat. I would have been satisfied with a Caesar Salad from Wendy's, but it is just as expensive as Applebee's, just a couple of dollars difference. So we just sit down and had lunch and talked. I had to suffer through inhailing the smoke in the smoking section for a while, but I made it through. I didn't think this one time would do any harm, so I didn't worry too much about it. All I know is that I wouldn't want to start this habit, it would not be good for me to start smoking, because I can't hardly breathe as it is. Also, I don't have the extra money to spend on cigarettes, I would rather save it and go to a concert. Also, when we were talking I talked about The Academy Is. I am wondering why do I have to always find a way to bring them into the conversation. She is from Iowa, and that is close to Chicago, but she doesn't even know too much about The Academy Is. I have never been to Iowa or Illinois, but one day I hope I will have the chance to see these places. She told me she has never been to a concert. I never asked her does she like them, I don't really know if she does. She knows Fall Out Boy, but who doesn't know them. She is a huge music fan though.

Hours are away from you feels like foreveran hour has passed and I am missing this place alreadyit strange, because I never really liked it.I can't understand why do I only miss this place when I am gone. I don't think it is this town, but maybe it is this house, that comforts meThis house is like homebase, it is where it all begins next you explore, and then you are back to where it all started. It is similar to running the bases, home, first, second, third, then back home again.

Sometimes I would like to escape this town, and take the house wherever I go. But I know when I leave, I will have to leave it behind, it would be all for the best, It would be the only way to move foward. because it is all about starting over, change is good sometimes. But most of the time when you leave, you never know if you are going to return. I know leaving is a risky, but if you stay in the same place, you will never reach your full potential. But, I guess when you get used to something it is hard to break away. But, as hard as it is to leave, you just turn around and walk away. It hits you then, but after you get down the road, you don't think about, because you concentrating on the drive, but the memories want fade. The driving just keeps your mind occupied, and you are too focused to thinking about leaving. When you rolling down the road, you more focused on driving safely. But, I know when the time comes, it will not phase me, because I know myself. I have been in this position times before. And after you do the same things over again, you just get so used to it. Then, when you get used to it it will not effect you like it did the first time you tried it. I think sometimes you get stuck, and it can feel like you are walking in quick sand, sometimes you can stumble over rocks that block your path, but there are ways to dodge those big rocks. It is like a game, and if you make one mistake your game could be over. But, then after it is over, if there is still time you can always start all over again. It is never too late if you are willing to try. I could have been like all the rest, I could have been a victim of the world. It still possible to give in, but I won't. I'm going to chose to be different, because this trend is not in in my mind. My armor has improved, and I want to keep it strong. I am human, so it would be easy to fall into this category, because the flesh is weak, and it will control you mind, if you let it. But, it is understandable because humans were not born with self-control, it is a learned behavior. I know how my life could be, but I am in the driver's seat now, and if I miss a sign, it could be a train wreck, one small mistake could possibly get this train off track. Now I hold the key to my destiny, and it is good to have a choice. Like they say the ball is in my court, now it up to me where I will throw it. I don't have to join the club, I don't have to do what everybody else is doing. If they go to the right I am going to the left. If you go down I am going up, so there is more than one choice.



Highlight of The Day (Saving My Thoughts For Tonight)
Aug. 21st, 2008 at 2:44 PM
I am saving my thoughts for tonight, so expect post from me tonight. It is not cause I have to, it is because I want. What ever I had to say can wait until tonight, because I have to go into work 30 minutes earlier. And, I don't know if I am going to still have a friend or not. I just felt like I let her down. But, I talked to her today, and she seemed like she was o.k. with it, unless she was covering it up. Well, Idon't know what that means for tommorrow, maybe she changed her plans because we were going to have lunch, and she just had to do some grocery shopping. She doesn't like to shop alone. After, I got here i was so tired. But, one thing happended that made me realize how power a smile really is. I had a customer today who told me that my smile made her day. She said she came in their feeling awful, until she saw my smile. She said she didn't understand, and she said you might thinks it sounds crazy, but you smile made me feel better. I think this really made my day, just to make someone else's day It was a great feeling, then I just started to remind myself to smile, as if I wasn't already smiling.

Highlight of The Day
Wear your profile smile at all times, because you never know when you will be able to make someone‘s day with just a smile. Just learn to always smile for the camera. Most of the time smiles turn into laughs, that can be never ending. Have you ever laughed so hard until it hurts, those are the neverending laughs. It can be possible to laugh about it every time you think about it. A smile is an expression that can be used like words. If you don’t want to say anything, just wear a smile. A smile is used with a greeting, you use it many times, during your hellos and goodbyes. Sometimes you don’t have to have the words to say what you need to say when you were a smile. You really don't need nothing but your smile to make it thorough the day. Never leave home without your smile, because you never know when you will be able to make a difference. Your smile really saved my day, because before I was feeling like I just wanted to hide. I was feeling blue, but when I saw your smile, this feeling just disappeared. It may sounds crazy but your smile is what got me through this. Before I met you , I just wanted to hide, and just hold my head down, then when I looked up I saw a smile that just changed my mood. Wear your profile smile at all times, because you never know when you will be able to make someone’s day with just a smile.

Fast Times At Barrington High Eve

The Mission
August 20, 2008
Hello Friends, I am going on my mission today, I said I have to go and pick up my contacts anyway, so I will go look for Fast Times At Barrington High. While all of you are whereever you are, I will be on the road, probably all day, because America's Best is not nearby. It is like an hour drive. It is 11:51 now, and I am getting ready to leave in a few minutes. I won't probably get there until about 1:00pm. I would travel with a friend but most of my friends are working, so I will travel alone today. I remember when my sister was here we would go to places all the time like the mall, the store. But, now that she is gone, I really don't have anyone to really ride with me. I have a couple friends that I have just meant, and one of them wants to go out to eat on Friday. She works with me, and she is really nice. I hope that she will be able to find her a good guy one day, she deserves it because she is so nice. I think that is what she is really looking for, and I hope she finds it, so I hope she finds her prince one day. I don't know about me, but I am not worrying about me right now. I will worry about myself later.to be continued...........................................................for sure. My mission is now completed. I found a copy of Fast Times At Barrington High. The first place I went was Target. When I first looked in the electronics, I didn't see it. I didn't even see it on the front display. But, then I kept searching, because I thought that it could have been in the wrong place. So, I went back to look at the CD's on the display, and then I looked carefully ,and saw 2 copies of Fast Times At Barrington High, they must have really sold some copies of their CD, because I only found 2 copies of it. I was so happy that I found a copy. After I left Target, I went to America's Best, just up the road, so I went there and picked up my contacts, now I will be able to have a new set of eyes for tommorrow. I have a prescription for glasses, but I will have to get them later. After, I left America's Best, I went to Michael's and found some more things for the scrapbook, that store is amazing. I can stay in that store all day. After I left Michael's I just decided to go to Books A Milion to try to find a dictionary. So, I went in there and started looking at dictionaries and magazines.


The Fast Time At Barrington High Mission
Aug. 19th, 2008 at 12:45 AM
Fast Times At Barrington High was not in every store. I left a little earlier thinking I could go by Target and pick up a copy. Then when I left, I got behind some of the slowest vehicles. The traffic was very hectic at 4:30pm, like rush hour traffic. Also, the Target is on the same road as the Walmart where I worked. So I traveled on down that road, traveled, traveled, and traveled, and then I looked at my watch and noticed I had five minutes to get to work. I didn't have a choice, I had to turn around. I wasn't worried about it too much, because I thought Walmart would have it. I got to work at 5pm and when I got off at 10pm, I was planning on purchasing FTABH. Then, when I went back there, I searched and searched and didn't find anything. I didn't even see it displayed it, because usually it will be displayed, but it wasn't . After that, I asked the Sale Associate in Electronics did they have FTABH, and then went to go check for me, and couldn't find it. He said that he didn't think their shipment came in today. I think they had a late shipment, which they usually get on Tuesday. I was really disappointed that Walmart didn't have the CD, but I couldn't do anything about it. I thought about going to Target or Kmart, but they were closed, because they close at 10pm. And I didn't know if Best Buy closed at 10pm or 11pm, and I wasn't going to go all the way over there for nothing. So, just said I will wait and just get it tommorrow. I am on a mission, and my mission begins tommorrow. I will search both Targets, then Best Buy, Walmart, and even Kmart. Somebody has to have a copy. PS. I purchased pre-sale tickets today.


Fast Times At Barrington High Eve
Aug. 18th, 2008 at 9:01 PM
Today is August 18, Fast Times At Barrington High Eve, tommorrow, August 19 is the day it will actually be released. And on top of that, we get to purchase tickets for the fall tour. It doesn't get any better than that, what more could you ask for, who could ask for anything more. I am planning on buying tickets tommorrow for the show in Atlanta, GA, 10/2/08. And, If I hear another excuse from them, I think I will have to rebel this time. I'm just tired of them treating me like I am 10, it is time to let go. I didn't go to warped because of them, but I am planning on going to this show. And there is no need of me thinking about going to the show on October 1, 2008, because I can barely get to the one on October 2, 2008. I going to have to rebel just a little bit. You wouldn't believe the number of times that my sister goes to Atlanta, GA just to get her hair braided, and I can't go to a concert, I want accept it. It is so hard for me to get to a show, they just don't understand. I would rather drive myself like the last time, it was so peaceful. I enjoyed that drive, and long drives are the best, I hate when they are over. Thats why I hate school bus rides, because the drives are so quick, you are at your school in no time, and you just hate when it ends. If I think of something else I will post ............to be continued

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

We all have excuses, valid or invalid reasons for doing something or not doing something or we all have excuses for other people valid or invalid for doing something or not doing something. Excuses, excuses, excuses, is all you ever have, excuses, excuses, excuses is all you give me I have my own excuses, so I can take yours. I have my own excuses and you certainly don’t have to make them for me. I can easily come up with valid reasons for not joining the mystery book club, or not going to my cousins house, I’m sure they understand that I have to work.
I could of came up with a reason for not going to the concert, like how I am going to get out of this one, but I did not have any excuse for not going, you made one for me. I excepted your excuse and that is what stopped me, your fears stopped me. You made me have a relaspe, and I thought about that time when the car flipped, I was motionless, strapped to the seat, turned over, this it made me realize what was really important, the fact of not ever being the same when I returned, or the thought of never seeing you again or the thought of being hurt in a terrible car accident. These were some of my biggest fears, but I tried to keep them on the back of mind, I just couldn‘t let the fear overpower me. Did you know I could of rebelled and went anyway. But after hearing all of the what if’s and all of your sermons, I just relasped and thought about that time when that car flipped, still conscious and strapped to the seat. I gave in and just finally accepted your excuse. I accepted your excuse but I could of rebelled against it, I could of just rebelled against all of these fears, but I just decided to except your poor reasons for an excuse. If it wasn’t for you I would not have had an excuse, but I didn’t think I needed one. I sacrificed this day for you, I sacrificed my life for you, because I know you would have done the same for me.


The Song That I Keep In My Heart
Aug. 16th, 2008 at 3:11 PM
A song that I held in my heart, is how I made it through this. It slowed down my bleating heart. This song touched my heart, when I was torn apart. Could I ever forget the words, that saved me from myself, could I forget the sound that awakened my senses, when I was numb. One song is all that mattered, words so powerful, unlike anything that have heard before, I finally found something to tranquilize these raging thoughts that reoccur. I think this medicine, unlike any doctor’s medicine, was all I needed to wipe out these thoughts. When I heard the words and the sounds it moderated my breath. This song, can lay my raging thoughts to rest for a while, just hoping that the relief will last throughout the day. These recurring thoughts arise every once in while, but when I play this song,my mind recharges. I need this quick burst of power to make it through the hour hoping that it will last until it is time to recharge again. It feel safe knowing that I have this song. I think my mind is similar to ROM, cause it can hold memory forever. These days, I just can't leave without my favorite song. If I can't hear it, I will play it in my ipodic mind. Let's keep it playing but if it stops that alright. If it stops I will play my jam in my head. This song is my savior, thanks for this, eventhough I don't deserve it. I just want to rejuvenate all of the dead cells that are stored in my body, so I can sleep at night.


Dealing With Emotions
Aug. 15th, 2008 at 12:36 PM
This is how I really feel sometime, I mean I can go into a room where people are crying about something or worshiping God, I just express myself in a different way. Then people think because I don't cry or don't talk, that I don't care, but I really care, but I just have a different way of expressing it at the time.
Please excuse me for not shedding a tear, just because I show no emotion at the moment doesn’t mean that I don‘t care. Please excuse me for this silence, just because I don’t speak, doesn’t mean that I don‘t care. Do I have to speak or cry about every emotion, even those sacred emotions. Some emotions are just hard for me to express when I am in a crowed room. Just cause you don’t see me cry, doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I am just different, I hope I don’t seem like I don’t care because I never shed a tear, when somebody cries. I have a different way of dealing with my emotions, I respect the ways that you deal with them though. And it is o.k. to cry. I know that when I enter this place, I going to have to deal with a lot of emotions, that I am just not feeling at the time, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. When you there crying telling your story, I'm touched eventhough I frown, and bow my head. I guess you got to accept that people express themselves in different ways. It just takes a lot to make me cry in a crowded room. It is a possibility that I probably want shed a tear, but it doesn't mean I don't feel your pain Please excuse me if I don’t shout it out, just know that it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I was never for getting too tangled up in my emotions, but it is a time an place for everything, but now is just not time. If I lived off of every emotion, I don’t think I would be here to day. There a time a place for everything, but now is not the time. I just can think about the feeling forever, especially if it is an emotion, that is going to make me cry. It is a time and place for everything, but now is not the time, just know that I don’t have to cry to feel your pain, It might seem like I am emotionless and speechless, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care

A Meaningless Expression

August 13, 2008
A Meaningless Expression
I just hope that this isn't another crush, so just keep it hush, hush,Be careful, because one look is all it takes, one tiny meaningless expression.A smile doesn't always mean love, so please don't take it to heart. This is just a friendly expression, not a sign of love affection. I only smile just to make you smile, it is just a friendly expression.
I just hope you didn't get the wrong impression, it not a sign of affection.A smile is just a smile to me but what does it mean to you. Hopefully this is not another crush, so I am just going to keep it hush, hush. I don't thrive off of crushes, and quick love rushes.
I just hope that this isn't another crush, just keep it hush, hush Winking eyes doesn't always mean call me, it is just a reflex. I have no control over my rising left brow, so I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. The bright lights, just put strain on my tired eyes, and the fact that I wear cybernetic eyes, just causes more more winks and blinks. So I just hope you don't get the wrong impression. If only I had a mirror in front of me, I could see what you see. So, I wouldn't know unless you told me. I can' even wink, I can hardly blink, without you getting ideas,I just hope you know this is not a sign of love affection.
I never thought that my eyes would be sending you a hidden message, Mixed signals, that I wasn't aware of, If only I could see my reflection in a glass I would know. I wonder does any tiny detail go unnoticed, you notice every imperfection. I can't even raise my brows or open my eyes wide, without you getting the wrong impression from just a meaningless expression.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Never A Dull Moment
I just got back from work 30 minutes ago. I am so glad to be home. Today, was just crazy, everything was so rushed today. I first got a call from my sister, she is always broke, so I had to help her out today. Then, later I had to go into work, and you know work is always crazy, there is never a dull moment in that place. I always have to be ready for it when I go in that place. And now they are doing the remodeling. The store is now royal blue, light blue, and dark yellow. The color is different from the other Walmarts that they just built. The other Walmarts are mostly beige in the inside and yellow. I really don't think the remodeling process is exciting, because they is a lot of noise, they are moving things around, like aisles, taking them out, and putting more in. They are going to take all of the registers out and get new registers. When I get off from work it is hard for me to get out, it like I am in a maze, it feels like I am trapped. So, I have to walk all the way around the store to get out of the door. Tonight I didn't think about shopping, I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn't as bad as it usually is, but bad enough. I didn't have any rude customer's today. I had one customer today, she had tattoos all over her body, and then a customer behind said that she must have a high tolerance for pain, then she said she did. Then he said, he don't think he could take it, because he is a wimp. So, we really got a good laugh out of that. Then he told me how, he had got his ears pierced one time, without his mothers permission, and then he said when he told his mother, he said she didn't get mad at him. He said that he was surprised that she didn't get mad. But, then he said that, she said that she couldn't be mad at him, because she had hers pierced. He told me that I smiled a lot, and that it is good to smile. I tried to keep smiling through the day. I had one customer tell me one time that I was so nice, and all I could say was thank you. Eventhough, they don't know what I am thinking in my head, but they will never know. Sometimes, I have some not so nice thoughts going on in my head, that I try to put in the back of my mind, but the customer will never know. It is normal to think this way. Many customers tell me that I have the most beautiful eyes. And, I am thinking, I have never really noticed my eyes, and at this point I am not thinking about my eyes, but I tell them thanks anyway. I get a lot of compliments on my eyes, all I can say is thank you. Many people give me compliments on my teeth too, they say their so white, even, and straight. I really don't even worry about these things, but if people notice them and give me a compliment the least I can say is thank you. Sometimes, I don't know what to say sometime because I am flattered. My hair, my teeth, my eyes, are far from my mind, I don't even worry about these things when I am in there working. I don't even notice the cute guys that come through my line, I am thinking about doing my job, getting them out the door as fast as possible. There has been many cute guys that come through my line, but I am thinking about breaktime or 11pm, the time when I get off. When I am in there I am focused, I really don't let nothing really distract me anymore like I use to do.

Monday, August 11, 2008
You Had To Take The Test
As I live each day, I think about, there is not a day that goes by that I don't worry about you. A small town girl out there on her own with big goals big dreams. At first, It bothered me but then I realized that I couldn't stop you, but I why would I try. I wouldn't want be the reason for holding you back. Just, imagine what would have happened if you would not of took a chance. I would have been living with regret if I would have stopped you from leaving. I feel like it was for the best, it was a test that you had to take. Taking a chance was the only solution to the problem. You had to take it, in order to know. You had to take this test, to know, in order to know if this was the right choice for you. The test will reveal the truth, so let's get to the bottom of this. But, either if you passed or failed, just remember you are still a winner, you deserve a star for putting forth the effort. This test just proved that you are able to do anything, during the process you can really find anwsers, and find out many things about yourself. I have realized that you are big girl now, and you don't need me all the time. It bothered me at first, but now it starting to feel comfortable, it feels right now. No matter what happens, or how much you change, we will always be blood, and that is something that can't be changed, I know that you were really cherished by him, and he adored you. Sometimes when I think about you, it reminds me of him. You are still the same the girl that once knew, you just grew up right before my eyes, and I have realized that is was time for you to move on. The future is so unpredictable, who would of thought that we would be separated. I just learned that you don't have to close to someone to stay connected to them, so I do not worry how much time I stay away from them. Sometime you figure out that the distance o.k., it starting to seems right, it is comfortable now. I am not sad, anymore, and I never really thought I would feel this way, because I really didn't want you to leave.

Sunday, August 10, 2008
This Saturday
Saturday is like the weekend fever that could start on Monday and then warms up on, Tuesday thru Thursday gets hotter on Friday, starts burning on Saturday winds down on Sunday, this is all about the Saturday weekend fever.

I just need one Saturday, one Saturday to remember in December.This Saturday, we will begin the trend, and the fun never ends. This is where it all begins. It feels like I knew you back then, like when you were ten, we use to live for the Saturday, a memory that will stay to the end. Let's go back there for a day, and live out this Saturday. This Saturday we will rekindle the flame, this Saturday will never be the same, you will remember it like you remember my name. It will be your time to shine, so there's no time to whine. Just scream and shout, just let it out, don't pout, because this is what it is all about. Everybody catch the Saturday weekend fever, because it coming through your town. Just one Saturday to just lay low, and just know that it is just one Saturday out how many ever I have left, so why not live it out. Saturday is the reason for the weekend fever that started on Monday, warmed up Tuesday thru Thursday, got hotter on Friday, and started burning on Saturday, and winded down on Sunday, Saturday started the weekend fever. This one Saturday will be one Saturday to remember.

Goodbye Neighbor

I am going to miss you now that you are leaving, I'm thinking about it more now than ever before. Eventhough we never talked much, I still feel like we were friends. We were neighbors for all those years, but we lived liked strangers, because we only shouted our hellos and goodbyes. We were neighbors, only neighbors, because we never had those long conversations or friendly invitations. We only said our hello and goodbyes, and that is about as far as it went. I am sorry that I never really took the time to get acquainted with you. Eventhough we were close, it felt like we were living more like a strangers than neighbors, because we never talked much, we said our hellos and goodbyes, but that is about as interesting as it got. We seemed so distance even when we were close, but in times of trouble you were there when I needed you. I remember when it would storm, you would come over and ask me if I alright, and that really meant the world to me. It is really the thought that counts. You were some of the nicest people I knew, I really enjoyed your company. It is sad because I probably want get another neighbor like you. I’m going to miss seeing your red truck parked on the on the right close to mine and the time that we would see each other around town, then most of time I met you, I was either coming and you were going, so we were always on the run. Right now, you are still near, but I know the final farewell will come, so I just want to say goodbye neighbor.


The Day Is Like The Pressure
Aug. 8th, 2008 at 8:20 PM
If I keep practing, I'm not going to hesistate when it comes to writing a paper or a story for school. Remember I am not a writer and I am not trying to be a writer, I just like to experiment with writing.

"The Day Is Like The Pressure"This day is like the pressure crashing down on me like a heavy weight, I’m always trying to withstand the adverse force. The gravity, if I can only resist it, if I could only find the vigor to just hold on. My thoughts are clashing, and my body feels like it is coasting along a rollercoaster track This day is like a mass collapsing down on me, awakening all the dead nerves. It so chaotic, all the people the traffic, the conflicts, it is like hyperventilation. I just need to find a hideaway, a place where I can go respire. I think it has become more infectious than ever, similar to a infectious fever that lingers. I guess the longer you are caught in the middle of the sea, out in the deep, it worsens, like a pit that forms, grows, and then rots away, if you don't don't seal it. If you play around you can certainly get tangled up in it, and trip. It is enough to make your head pop, causing you to lose the last little bit of sanity, total depletion of everything you had bottled up for one of those days. I can see the cybernetic eyes, looking at me when I am out and about. I wonder can you really see my insides through those cybernetic eyes. Always playing the physic, never really seeing who and what you really are. No matter what you think, I am the controller of my thoughts, and if you have looked in the mirror lately, you still look the same. I am nothing special, I am a human being just like you. Figuratively, it is like you have a built-in face detection feature, eyes always focusing on me. You can always find me no matter where I go, you will always find me with those cybernetic eyes. Did you know that it was rude to stare, like looking at me is hard to bare. I not a star, I am someone just like you.

My Dream So It Seems

My dream so it seems, but peace is what the world needs. I can envision a safe world through the eyes of a child. I can only imagine when everybody will learn to love each other like a sister or brother. I can only dream that the world will wake before it is too late. What is it going to take to see that this not the way it should be. I just feel like the world breaks many hearts apart, shatter and torn, wishing you were never born. I so scared that will never be safe, I can only imagine peace through the eyes of a child. In those bright innocent eyes I see hope, through those bright innocent eyes I see peace, through those bright innocent, I see love. Now, they are seeing what I envision through their eyes, But, one day they will be able to see what I saw, if the world never changes. Eventually they will know why I cried when I looked into their eyes. Those eyes are the eyes of hope, those eyes are the eyes of peace, those eyes are the eyes the world should see. The world has forgotten about love, and sky up above. The world has changed, and it is not the same, I just hope the world can get back to good, before it goes under. What is going to happen if we don’t come together to try to make it better. I can write about it, talk about it, and sing about it, but is it really going to make a difference, It is going to take more than just a word to change the world, and it is definitely going to take more than a phrase to change the world. I can only hope that my words can touch the heart of one life,

Monday, August 04, 2008
Choose To Believe The Best
Blinded, I just couldn't see that my mind was playing tricks on me. I knew never knew, and I just couldn't see it, I never knew what mind was trying to tell me. If I only would have known that something was wrong. I would have probably just let it go and instead just following it up, definitely not worth the headaches. The best thing would be to just forget about it and just let it die. But, sometimes it is hard to know if a thought is really true. I wish I could just stop all of the mind games, and find the truth, but the human mind is so complex, and it can lead you in many directions, it will be tough to wrestle with the thoughts that occur in your mind. I think anything can trigger a thought. I just wish I could just zap all of these negative thoughts and change them into positive thoughts. I guess if you don't know what to believe let it go, and always chose to believe the best until you know. Not thinking about is the only way you are going to have peace, you got to gradually try to start the process so you can erase the thought from memory. I am not going to think about it any longer, I just want to bury this puzzling mystery. I just know I can't depend on my mind for answers, because the lies can overrule the true thoughts. I just can't depend on it anymore. It is easy to set myself up, for destruction,. It would be a shame that, I destroyed myself with my own thoughts, and I just couldn't live with myself, if I was the reason for this destruction. I just can't live thinking this way, I just have to throw it away.
blinded, and I just could see what my mind was trying to do to me. Before I chose this new way of thinking I just always wondered has the animosity been lingering all along, while I was blinded, thinking everything was just fine. Sometimes a person can be just as hard as a rock under a sugar coated candy shell. It is like you start out sweet and then turn bittersweet somewhere along the way. I have just started to open up my eyes and ears. Just because I don't know the truth, I not going to believe it. If I ever get to the bottom of this mystery I will be able to make a conclusion,. But, now it is just all speculation. But, I think I am going to choose to believe the best.
blinded, and I just couldn't see that my mind was playing tricks on me. I don't want to think something is true, I want to actually know that it is true. But, it going to be tough to know what it is real and what is false. I don't know what the truth is, and I can't make any conclusions until I know. It is just a puzzling mystery. This is similar to an unsolved crime, and it is a possibiltiy that you will never be able to solve the crime. This is just a mystery that will be left unsolved, until there is more evidence. I really don't know what is going on, and I just don't know what to believe. I never wanted it to be this way. Lately, I have had this strange feeling that has come upon just recently. Something just feels so wrong, and I can't tell what it is. I want to be wrong, I just hope I am wrong, please let me be wrong. I hope this is all just another mind game, But, no matter what I think I am going to chose to believe the best.

Sunday, August 03, 2008
12 Hours Ago
When I enter, I will no longer be the same as I was 12 hours ago. If I could only just disappear, or if I only had a twin, someone who looks just like me to pull this off. After the 6 hours is over I want be the same, I will leave feeling tired and overworked. Then when I get home I more wired than ever before, due to fact that I am a restless being. But, I think I ignore the fact that I need to rest, I guess I may think that I am immortal. I need rest as much as I need water, and I need food as much as I need shelter. But, you know sometimes I do feel like there is no blood in my veins, sometimes it feels like I am running off of gasoline. I guess because I spend so much time on the clock, and it just steals a lot of my time. See when you are living your life based on the clock it will never change, it will always be the same, if don't take action. I could be using my time where it is most needed. But, sometimes work is like an escape for me, because it is very chaotic at home, but I just can't run from it forever. I going to have to deal with it one day. But, I don't think I could deal with being home for too long, because it is chaotic. I need to getaway and escape sometimes. Work is not my favorite escape, but I would rather be there than here sometimes. It is definitely not worth the headaches

Saturday, August 02, 2008
I Don’t Want To Turn Into The Villian
My biggest fear would be turning into the Villian. I'm certainly not here to make enemies, I'm only here to make friends. I just get this strange vibe some time that funny feeling inside, that make me wonder if ever really had a friend. I don't know what it is, but it gives me chills. It doesn't bother me, it just makes me see, how the world can be. I just don't know about all these so-called friends who will stab you in the back in the end. I want to communicate, and I want to relate, but is it just a little to late. I know that each day I wake, I can feel the earth shake, and it keeps me awake. And there always something that is going to shake the world no matter how you try to stabilize it, and it just wonder makes you wonder what will happen next. Could life just all be one big huge setup.work in progress

Friday, August 01, 2008
Sometimes When I Watch Her Sleep
I'm dreading the day, the day when she has to leave. But I know that it going to come if I live. I don't know how I will be when it happens. I just don't want to be surprised, which is why it is good to prepare for this day of sadness and joy. I just pray that it doesn't happen anytime soon. This is not the first time that I have lost someone, so I know the feeling. It can hurts, and the feeling is al I am still feeling it. It is just a feeling that never goes away, it a feeling that lives in you, but it doesn't affect your ability to live everyday life, because I guess you just get used to something not being there, it makes it easier to live. Actually it is the only way, to be able to cope, because you have to live your life. When a person dies, many would like you to go on with your life, but it can be so hard to go on living everyday. Eventhough their absence, and your not in there presence, you know that their spirit will always be living. I have just learn to love at a distance, I just don't have to be close to something or someone to have a connection. The distance just gives me time. Have you ever been miles away, and still feel be able to feel something or someone's presence. I think I'm going to have to learn to be a little more detached to get unattached, so it will not hurt as much. I could imagine me in a crowded room, seeing here lying there lifeless, wishing that she was breathing, thinking about the other night when we having a conversation. She seemed fine yesterday, who would have ever thought that she would be lying here today. She is just lying there just as stiff, and lifeless as a paperweight. It is sad that when she is underneath the ground I will never be able to see her face again. I will never be able to talk to her in-person again. While she is lying there lifeless, and I standing over here wishing that she was alive, I thinking about the trip that we took yesterday. While she is lying here lifeless and I and standing over here, I am thinking about all the things I said, all the things that I never meant to say. While she lying there lifeless and I am standing over her wishing that she were here. It hasn't happended yet ,but I just wonder how is it going to be when t happens. I really don't want to imagine life without her, but I'm going to have to prepare for it.. She is here with me now, living and breathing right now, sometimes when I watch her sleep, I always think about not ever hearing her voice again. Sometimes when I watch her sleep, I always think about that day.

Thursday, July 31, 2008
These Are The Fast Times
It is now 1:45 pm as I am writing this story. I can't believe it is the last day in July, it is just so hard to believe. These are definitely the fast times, because the days go by so fast. I tell you, I can barely keep up with the days. I don't know if I am going to be able to keep up. I definitely need to get more sleep at night, but I know that would be hard for me to do . All I am doing is working this summer, but when the fall come I hope I will be able to go back to school. I would like to remind people that it is good to play the lottery, because you never know. I like to play the powerball, and I don't buy no more than 3 tickets. The lottery that I participate is the Education Lottery. Every dollar that I spend will go toward education, so if I don't win anything, I wouldn't feel bad because I would be helping, so they can have money for school Among other things, I forgot to wish Chris, my nephew a Happy Birthday on Monday 7/28/08, he is either 13 or 14 years old. Time is just flying, I remember when my nephew was only 5 and now he is 13. They grow up so fast, and he is getting tall to, he is almost as tall as me, but I am short.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Build It, Shape It, Mold It, Fold It
It all started with a song, that I will never forget
This thrill beats the chill of just holding it all in
It is the power, needed through the hour, that gives me desire
the sound, so profound, what was once
Lost has been found. It was just the spark I needed to start the fire
To make it through the darkest hour
This is phrase that I will praise to make it through my days
And it has helped me see the other pieces of me, bringing out the best in me
This attraction gives me satisfaction, and it is time to take action
It is time to take mind to places it has never been before, time to make
The water flow. Put, it to the test and try your best, just forget about the rest
If you want it, you can get it, If it is in you, you will feel it.
It is time to build it, shape it, mold it, fold it, like you want it.

Monday, July 28, 2008
Learn To Like This
I didn't like this when it all started, it became a duty,. I never thought I could learn to like this. I just never thought that I could learn to try to be happy where I am at as of now. It is amazing how you have grown on me. I use to take it all for granted, but now I know to never take anything for granted. Take time to say hello to a neighbor, it is a great feeling. I now know it is good to treat people with kindness because it is possible that they could be your saviors. Most of time that might not be around when you need them most, but just keep that in mind. I realized that I need people, and it is going to be hard to live without them. At first, I did not care about it, I just I never thought I would become so comfortable with something that I resented in the beginning. I just had to learn to love it, it just grew on me. It is always going to be a love and hate relationship in everything you do, so why worry. I guess I going to have to get used to the world, and just learn how to live in it. When I leave here, I think I going to be prepared for any challenge, because it is so overwhelmingly stressful. So, stressful, until I feel like some damage has already been done, maybe this is the reason why people go crazy and lose their mine, due to all the stress that they have. I ready to take the next step, but who is going to chance it.

Saturday, July 26, 2008
Stay Happy Through The Sun And Rain
When It is raining in the city, and everything slow downThe rain is like a break from a busy day in the sun,It like a break from the heat of warm summer day.It can be relieving sometimes, The rain, is like a break from the busy dayIt is a time of reflection, if you can stay calm throughout the thunder and lightningI say let it rain, because the sun will shine again'I will be alright through the storm but I don't know about anyone elseI sure everybody will not feel the same way because they are so used to the sun shining,they are so used to the heat, there not happy unless the sun is shining but me I try to stay happy through the sun and the rain.
The rain is like a break from a busy day in the sun, I think we need to have that balance, a mixture of sun and rain, a taste of earth, and water t o quench our thirst. It like a break from the heat of warm summer day.It can be relieving sometimes, but many came cope with rain, the darkness, the clouds, it bring forth sadness in some people, but a world without clouds and rain would wither. It is important to realize that you can't have sun all the time, it would cause a drought, and everything would die, and we need water, because water is life, water brings the dead back to life. Who wants sun all the time, it just full of a bun of harmful uv rays, that can attack your skin cells. Most of the time you have to use protection, because if you don't it can do some serious damage to you.


Friday, July 25, 2008
Rekindle An Old Flame
It is amazing how I can just rekindle an old flame. Something that was once the latest trend, is back in style. Just because you take a break, doesn't mean you have lost love for something that you once loved. No matter how much time and space you have, you will always have love for it, so why fear. It you can always feel the desire and passion for something no matter how much time you spend away from it, it must be real. Don't worry about taking a break, because if you still feel the same way you did the first time you envied it, then you don't have anything to worry about. Try living without it for a couple of months and then analyze your feelings. Try living without it for a couple of years and see how you feel, if you can live without if for that long. If you find out you feel the same about this love after all these trials, and after all the time and space then you will know that it is real. Take time away don't be afraid, you want lose it if you love it. Time and space can't break this union, so why fear. Most of the time we are scared to wait, and put things off, because we are scared, maybe this is a sign, maybe this is not what you were called to do in life. If it goes away maybe, maybe it was not meant to be.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Arduous To Decipher
This is all a mystery, you will never be able prognosticate what transpires in the mind in general, I don't know if a person can actually read a person's mind. I would assume that it would be arduous to decipher. I don't think a person can decipher a person's mind unless they tell you what is going in their mind or show some kind of evidence. It reminds of a secret that somebody keeps, until that decide to reveal. It is amazing how a person can have so much power with their thoughts, you can keep secrets, you can tell the truth you could lie, you can manipulate, it like you have the power you are in control. Many secrets are kept in the mind, and there would be no way to decipher it, you can assume and make assumptions, but you will never know what to believe, I could tell you anything and you could believe it, and it is possible that you will never know the truth. Believe what you want to believe because the mind can be like trickery. You have to be cautious with all these ideas forming in your mind, the only advice I could give is to just follow your heart and activate all 5 of your common senses. Sometimes you can feel if it is right and sometimes you know when it is wrong.
I think timing, is important, sometimes an idea can come to mind when you need it the most. It just a natural thing, and you never know, so don't waste your time trying to figure out when it is going to come to you. Your thoughts can really take you on a ride, it will seems like you getting somewhere, then suddenly you stop, it like being on a racetrack and then suddenly crashing into to wall. All kind of thoughts come to mind throughout the day. When I am dealing with a negative thought, I try to drive it out of my mind, replacing it with a positive thoughts, it is a great way to fight torturous thoughts. Those negative thoughts can really attack, it can start from the inside out. It can really lead to self destruction, so I think it is better to try to change the way you think before it is too late.

Monday, July 21, 2008
Dawn Of A New Day
It feels like it is just the dawn of a new day, many people have really lived their life and have experienced more than I have in just a couple of years. I have made so many sacrifices, and I think I am starting to regret them. I think it is because I have the ability to adapt to things that I am not really into. It can be difficult for the average person. I really don't think some people could live like this. Many people think life is about doing something that you love, but sometimes we have to lie to ourselves and do what you have to do in order to survive. Some people have so much intelligence, and never have the opportuntiy to try to live their dreams. Some people spend their whole lives, working for nothing, my mother talks about this all the time. She has been working every since she was 14 years old, and now on the brink of retirement she is still going. Life is not supposed to be this way, and it is not all our fault. I usually have to spend my time living a lie, it may sound sad, but I don't love everything that I do. I rather be spending my time doing something that I really love, but for now I just go to do this in order to survive. I certainly would rather be doing something that I love rather than something that I dread, but it just seems like I just can get pass this point. I think I might be stronger than I thought I was cause many would have moved on a long time ago. You might think I'm attached to something, but I think once you are away from something you will start to get use to being away from something. I have never even rode in plane before. The furthest I have ever drove was to Atlanta. If I go beyond these borders it would be a crime to my parents, but no big deal to me. I'm breathing but I certainly not living life, when all you do is work. And how can we live life if that is all we do, I am so used to living like this, it would feel so weird if I had one day of fun, because I am so used to my normal routine. Even though I am a adult sometimes I still feel like a child, because I have not experienced many things that so-called normal boys and girls have experienced. It really doesn't really bother me because I don't want to be like all of the average normal boys and girls. I really don't think I ever wanted to be like them.