Sunday, July 20, 2008
It Always Happens When You Least Expect It
It always happens when you least expect it. Ideas are just developing in your mind faster than the speed of light. you never know when an idea will come into your head, so it might be good idea to have a pen and paper handy, so you will not forget the thought. One word could start it all, and this could lead to sentence which leads to a whole story . One line could start it all, and this could lead to a sketch., which will be adored by the world. One word can go far, it could be the beginning to an innovative idea, and this idea could go far, possibly having a positive impact on he world. If I ever get a bright idea, I am going to share it with world, and I going to try to use it to the best of my ability to help the world develop solutions to the problems that have been lingering for a long time. It has been too long and it is about time to solve the problem. The thing about ideas, is that they don't always come easy. You could have a million ideas, and there only like 5 out of the million that are worth pursuing, so it takes time to come up with the greatest ideas.
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Saturday, July 19, 2008
Today Was Not My Saturday Current mood: stressed
Today was Saturday, and I usually like Saturday's but today was not my Saturday. Today my nephews came down here before I had to go to work, and I was really in the mood for their company, because I had to go to work. I was thinking to myself, out of all days why did they have to chose today. They were really nerve racking to me. Then, later, I spilled water all over the bathroom floor, it was like a flood, so I had to take time to clean the mess up. Later, I went to work, and then discovered that I had a flat right tire, so I was late for work. I was supposed to be there at 5:30pm, but I got there at 6:05pm. My mother and sister was already in town, so they came and picked me up and took me to work. Later, they discovered that I had ran over a nail, and they patched the tire up.
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Friday, July 18, 2008
Last Wednesday is just so 8 days ago
Last Wednesday was just so 8 days ago. It was unlike any other day. I felt every minute of every hour.. If I had to relive last Wednesday, everything would be magical, if I would have known what I knew now things would have been different. I am not worrying about what I went through, I just want to forget it and just let it go. It happened and now it is part of the past. I survived, and now not it is all behind me now.
I'm usually not comfortable living in the past. I think when I am living in the future, that is my comfort zone, and it where I would like to remain. The past can sometimes make you weary, like bringing something dead back to life. Something dead should not resurface, it should just stay buried down under where it belongs. I think it would be better to just create new memories and destroy the memories that steal half of your mental strength. Remember the good times and forget the hard times. If it burns let it die. The past should stay in the past if it is something that is going to make you feel like hiding.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Trust Is Like A Vow Current mood: disappointed

Trust is like a vow, and once you break it will never be the same. Trust can easily broken, you could have one thought that could just be enough to shatter your belief in something. Trust can become tainted, if it is broken. It will never be the same. It is easy to forgive, but just so hard to forget. You have to find a way to just go on, and eventually it will pass, but it is a memory that will always linger. It is a time to weep, and it is a time to morn, but eventually you have to move on. No matter how many apologizes accepted, it will never be enough to restore that trust you once had. All is forgiven, but the bond that was once shared will always be broken, what is done is done. Everything was going alright, I thought I had found a friend that I could really confide in, but I was blind. I forget that the world is full of pretenders , but they play their roles so well. It so hard to turn away sometime, so tempting. People can be like sugarcoated candies, sweet on the outside and unidentifiable on the inside. Sometimes, you just can't see it, it is hard to really know, but you can't let the fear take control, control the fear. In time it will pass, but undersand that it will never be forgotten.

Monday, July 14, 2008
Words Like Weapons
I never meant a word that I said to you, I'm am so sorry for the things that I said. I never realized that my words would have an negative effect. I never realized how cold my words could be, maybe because I'm carefree. I'm sorry that you took it to heart and never realized that it could tear you apart. I need to learn to think before I speak, because many can't take words like me. I think it would have been brighter, if never would have opened my stupid mouth. If you have something that you want to say, and something telling you not to say it, it is probably best to just keep it to yourself. I have always heard that some things are better left unsaid, and I am beginning to believe that this rings true. One wrong word, or sentence is all you need to just kill the mood,. Words are like weapons and they can be as dangerous as a sharp knife.
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The Summer Escape Current mood: creative
The summer is my escape, a time to remember old faces, new faces, old places, new places old flings, new things, favorite things Old memories new memories, random thoughts Remember the summer air, blowing through your hair Remember the summer heat, making you sleep Remember the summer sun toasting your skin feeling the burn until the end Remember the summer crushes, that never lasted, here today and gone next week.
Everybody laughing having a good time, the summer fever rising high..
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Friday, July 11, 2008
I’m Comfortable Here Current mood: focused
I want to just escape the day and just stay here, I'm comfortable here, when I am near This is where I belong, so I'm coming home When I'm here I feel like I'm safe and sound When I'm here I feel like I want fall down
Take a walk down memory lane to make you sane. Because when I'm far I stray somewhere along the way This is where I can be free, this brings out the best in me this is my place, my homebase I will hold in my heart no matter how far I fly It will be there until I die
I have nothing but love for this place but sometimes I need some space. I need some time to listen to my mind so I can understand the signs.
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Thursday, July 10, 2008
Remember The Time When Current mood: worried
You are a precious jewel, remember when you could barely crawl, I carried you, do you remember when you could barely speak, I spoke for you. Do you remember the time when you cried that day, I wiped your tears.
You are a precious stone, that I cherish, so I would hate to lose you. Remember the time when you could not reach, I lifted you. Remember the time when, you lied, I took the blame for you.
This is not like you, where is that fire, activate your power, wake up and fly, before it is too late. If you could only see through my eyes you would be surprised. You don't know how many punches I have took for you, you have caused me so much pain, but it's o.k, because I know you are not perfect. I hope you will be able to see what I see, I hope you will realize that you are making the biggest mistake of your life.
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
As Opposed To The Real World
I am more comfortable living in a dream world, as opposed to the real world. The real world can get rough when the going gets tough. But, it good to get a taste of it, so you can learn how to depend on yourself. I'm still just living and learning trying to figure it out along the way. The world is not all about fun and games, there are times where you going to have to get serious, but if you can find the joy in everyday life, your days will be so much easier. It is better to wear a smile than a frown. When I living in my dream world, I don't think about the real world. But, then once it ends and I finally wake up, I'm back in the real world. When I was living in the dream world I didn't have any regrets because I know it will never last, as soon as I open my eyes it will end.

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008
That Day Could Have Been One Of The Best Days Current mood: disappointed
I need some time to think, I just can't worry about anything else right now, because this is killing me. That day could have been one of the best days of my year so far. I wish I could just live in the future sometimes and just pass these times. I wish I could just skip some days, out of this week, and just fast forward to the next day. I just want it to pass by, I just don't want to live through it. Have you ever felt out of place, do you feel like you belong somewhere else sometimes. Maybe it would help to just sleep the day away and dream about being in a faraway land., then when I wake it will be all over, just moments away from the night. I wish I could just levitate out of this body, I would love to be that girl today with the big smile on her face. You just don't know how much weight is falling on my shoulders. It gets heavier and heavier with every single step. I just think this could have been the best medicine, perhaps the light to all of this darkness. We live in different worlds, and I really don't think I am living this the way I should be living it. Sometimes, I just feel like I was deprived, and that is why I'm the way I am. I'm always so below the crowd, just always on the outside looking in. Some people have had opportunities to go the distance, unlike me, still here trapped . It is just so unfair, life is so unfair. I really think that I deserved more than this, if I would have known this I would have never came out.
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Monday, July 07, 2008
My Weekend Was A Nightmare Current mood: crushed Category: Life
Usually, I just write in my journal for practice so when I get ready to write a research paper I will be ready for it. Most of the things that I write are imagination, a lot of it is exaggerated. I usually try to write in it each day. What I'm writing now was what I wanted to say on Saturday. My day went o.k., I stayed home, while my mother was in Atlanta. You know if I would not have had to work, I would have went with them. My mother went with my sister to go get her hair braided. I always have wondered why does she have to all the way to Atlanta to get her hair braided. Usually, my sister does my hair she has her license, but she doesn't have a shop yet. I was here all day Friday and my mother didn't not get back until about 7:30, and when she got home she lashed out at me for not cleaning up. She really said some torturous things that day, I guess I now know that I'm just stupid, and dumb. It is hard to not get mad when somebody is talking to you this way. No matter how angry I am, I can't say anything. All I can do is just listen, because if I backfire, it would really get ugly. I am glad that, I have learned how to take these words. No matter, how much it hurts I want say anyting, and if I say anything, I would probably live to regret it. Every word is important, so you have to really be careful with the words you chose to say. Also, our washing machine broke on Saturday, so my mom tried to fix it and ended up hitting the wrong switch, and the hot water heater just burst, and water started flowing and we couldn't get it too stop, my mother said that her head started throbbing and she felt like she was going to have a stroke, the shock was so severe. We had to go outside and turn the water off, so Saturday was a nightmare. So this weekend, was not one of my best weekend. Today was a little bit better, it was better than Saturday. I had to work both days, Saturday and today. I work from 5-10pm on Saturday and 5-10:30pm. Tonight the time just went by so slowly, and I was kind of surprised that I didn't get my break until about 8:30 tonight, just one 15 minute break.

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Saturday, July 05, 2008
It Doesn’t Matter Where You Came From Current mood: talkative Category: Life
I am proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free and I want forget the men who died who gave that right to me, that is the importance of this day today is about independence.
I am an American girl, born and raised, but I could of been born in Australia, Canada, China, Japan, Europe. I'm American in the U.S., but when I go to another country I'm a alien. It is a shame that people from other countries are categorized as aliens. If you really think about it, it doesn't make sense. I believe that all people should be categorized as human beings instead of aliens. It is like they are prohibited from private property, they make it seem as if they are not really human. I think this issue makes me think about equality, which means that all people should be treated fairly no matter where they came from.
I really don't think it matters where you came from, because we all have the same red blood running through our veins, and if we were to peel back our skin we would all be just raw flesh underneath. So eventhough we look different on the outside we look the same on the inside, the same heart, the same liver, the same bladder. I'm am all for different cultures, I try not to be stereotypical. What maybe ordinary to me may be strange to someone from another country and what maybe ordinary to them would probably be strange to me. Eventhough I didn't come from another country, I am proud to be an American, I don't have a choice but to show my pride, and I am sure if I was born anywhere else I would do the same.

Here is a poem I am working on below.
Something just keeps on shining in the dark, like a spark, the fire of my desire. You are the cheer in my ear. It makes me smile like a child. I can't turn of this light, that is in my sight. It just me and you tonight dressed in white dancing in the light. You have a soul of gold, that will never grow old. You have made your mark
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Friday, July 04, 2008
Safe And Sound Current mood: scared Category: Life
I hope I will be safe and sound tonight. It is scary to be here all alone in the dark. I can't sleep, I'm still wide awake, so paranoid, paying attention to every sound. Just one crash, can't be ignored. If I just ignore the sounds, my life could be in danger. ignoring sounds will add to my list of careless mistakes. My mother always told me to pay attention, she always told me that one mistake could cost me my life. I always wondered why she was always preaching to me about every little mistake I made. So, I'm just going to have to learn to be more careful and aware of my actions. I Just hope I will be safe and sound tonight, I will try not to fear, because the day is near. I hope when fall to sleep I will wake up to a new day. I hope I will not have to fear, and I promise not to shed a tear, because I know I will be safe and sound tonight
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Trying Not To Cause A Commotion
I think I will always feel caged, without commitments and vows. I don't feel that I will ever be free, which is the reason why I don't cause much commotion. People always wonder why I'm so peaceful. I could cause a commotion, but why. My life is already filled with enough stress, so why would I just add to my problems. I'm not perfect, and theres is a possibility that I could make a mistake, but, it will not be because I wasn't aware of it. I'm usually quiet and calm trying not to cause a commotion, because of the drama that is already evident. I don't think I need to add more headaches and heartaches. I'm trying to focus on creating peace instead of creating more drama. It is time for us to all come together, we need to be making peace instead of always causing a commotion. Why can't we all be friends instead of enemies. Lets stop and settle all this drama. But, I think as long as we live it is going to be impossible to live without drama, that is just how life is, but I'm going to try to find peace in this old dramatic world. It not going to be easy, because I'm human, and I have weaknesses.
9:24 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2008
The Countdown Starts Now Current mood: calm
Today was July 1, 2008, but it felt like June 31. I don't understand the person who created the calender, the days pass by quickly without having to cut a day out of the month. But, it would not matter to me, because I never be able to accomplish anything different because I have a routine. Most of the time I look forward to days off, when I leave work, the countdown starts, and I can predict that I want use my time wisely. I think I have developed a routine, that is hard to break, and that is the reason that I can't get pass this point, and accomplish other things, the things that I keep on putting off. I think everything depends on time, I think life, love, and education takes time. I'm always so in a hurry to get things done, because of time. From now on I don't care how long it is going to take to move mountains, I not going to be in a hurry to find true love, I am not going to be in a hurry to accomplish my goals, because eventually I will get there with time. Is is like I think I have all the time in the world, but I just need to slow down.
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Monday, June 30, 2008
The Mind Is Full Of Tricks Current mood: blah Category: Life
Don't always follow your mind, because the mind is full of tricks. Be smart, don't fall for it, don't be too quick to act when a thought comes to mind, take some time to think about it before you make the final decision. It is going to take some brainstorming, so be prepared to to flood your mind with thought after thought. Most of the time, you're afraid to follow a thought because of fear. Fear, is a feeling I just can't shake when I dealing with my thoughts. I really fear following my mind because it could be just a trick. Some thoughts can be hazardous, which are the ones you should try to avoid, when you think about something that makes you cry, you need to forget those type of thoughts, these are the thoughts that you should quickly erase from your memory. Forgeting is not magic, and it doesn't happen overnight, it is definitely going to take some time to get use to that thought not being there. But, why should you care, because you never needed it, it just wasn't natural, it was like an artifical substance or an additive, that was planted in your head.
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Sunday, June 29, 2008
The Path That Could Lead To A Dead End Current mood: confused
Could this be just all one big plot set out to destroy me, am I on the path that could lead to a dead end. How could something that you love all wrapped and decorated with bows be a trick. Pink on the outside, and black in the inside, so black til it is unidentifiable. I don't really understand all of the thoughts that occur in my mind, and sometimes I don't really think I should take them so seriously. It feels like my mind is an unsolved mystery, it is so hard to figure out what it is trying to tell me. I want to figure this out, and get to the bottom of this. I starting to realize that a good thought could just be a trick, and it is easy to caught up in it.
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Where Would I Be If Not For Your Grace
It could happen, but somehow, luckily, I keep dodging the bullet. I think about it all the time, this feeling haunts me. I think about going out each time I'm on the scene. I'm still surprised that I'm still breathing after all of these hits. I definitely thank my lucky stars for this because sometimes the road can get rough and rocky. When I feel like I'm falling the angel steps in and I think to myself where would I be if not for her grace carrying me, in every season. I am starting to believe in her, because she is the only one that really cares, and when there is no one there to listen she is always there.
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Friday, June 27, 2008
Underneath All These Clothes Current mood: breezy
It is like I'm the thrill of your life, it is as if your world revolves around my life. Flattery is sweet, but this obsession that you engulf, is so undefineable. I still don't understand how I got to be at the center of your universe, an ordinary girl, like me just floating around in the world, just barely hanging on. I try to be as ordinary and normal as I can be but you still are attached to me. I try to be invisible as possible but you still see me. Maybe it is my inner beauty, because I don't feel it on the outside, but dressing yourself on the outside is so refreshing eventhough your flesh makes you feel green. You just don't know how ordinary I am. I may be hard on the outside but really soft on the inside, if you spend some time with me, remember I am just human flesh underneath all these clothes so don't be afraid to admire me.
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