Sunday, June 15, 2008
The Story Begins Again Current mood: awake
The nightmare is over for now but it will reocurr as soon as I reenter the building. The same setting today, but prehaps less drama and action, but who knows how the story will go.
I wish the time would stop for now,but time is running and I only have 5 hours until the story begins again. It's almost show time, so get ready to smile for the camera. Today is probably going to be more dramatic, but it is hard to really know, how the story will go. All the lights, the cameras, the people, the noise, can be overwhelming. You just don't know that this is all an act, I'm trying so hard to please you . Smilng, and saying hello and thank you is in my script it doesn't come natural. It hard to really be comfortable with somebody you have never seen before so excuse me for my silence and my actions and I don't know how long I will be able to play this role, it is on my mind all of the time. I really hope that this story is on the verge of coming to and end. I have worked with some great actors and actresses. It never seemed really real for me, I didn't think I would take it as seriously as I did, but later realized how real it was, but I am going to play it until the end of this chapter.
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Saturday, June 14, 2008
A Day In The Life Current mood: exhausted Category: Music
This story is called a day in the life of a Cashier, 2 days of living in same setting, you know how the story goes, and do I have to tell you. You would think it would be like playing store like when you were younger, but it is not. When you are working in a real store, you are dealing with the real world, and that takes all the fun out of it. I wish I can go back to playing store, I wish I could find the kid in me, but it is so hard when it is essential to surviving. It doesn't come natural, you have to learn to think that way. I just can't find the kid in me anymore, I lost it, and if I would have knew then what I knew now, I wouldn't have been so surprised.
I went back to work today, 3 days sounds like a lot of time but it's not. I usually waste 75% of my free time. I will never no what to with time, because I'm not use to having a whole lot of time of my hands. I think in my free time I waste half of the day sleeping and dreaming. and when I wake the day is almost over.
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Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday 13th Current mood: breezy Category: Music
This is the best thing about being alive, I live for this, I breath for this. Something that I once hated has became something that you can't live without. If I would have known what I knew now, things would be so different. I live in the future, but I remember the past sometime, The past takes me back to the good memories, and it makes me just want to forget all of the bad ones. We are all going to have to stand up to the demons of our past, so we can't actually get somewhere. I have discovered that Living in the past can just kill your future. Now, is the time to just let it go, so you will be able to have a brighter future. Please let it go, and just find some peace in your heart, and learn to love.


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Thursday, June 12, 2008
Moment For Reflection Current mood: breezy

Today was the first Thursday that I have had off in years. I wanted to take a moment for reflection, to think about all the things that has happended in my life. I think about all the things that have happend and all the things that I have accomplished, but there is still so much more, it never ends for me. I don't think anybody can ever take away a person's passion for something, if it is there, and it is real, you can't stop it. It feels so weird being here on a Thursday probably because I live a busy, restless life I need the rest but when I get a chance to rest I am always moving. I spend half of my life in a cage, so when I'm uncaged I just make up for the lost time. The time I spend in here overall all feels like torture, I feel like a slave to the people. It get to my nerves, and it makes me feel that I am on the brink of losing my sanity. The time passed and now it is almost 3AM. It's Friday, but it still feels like Thursday because of the darkness.
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Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Things Have Changed For Me Current mood: scared

I will always remember this place, my homebase. No matter how far I go, I will always know that I always have a place to go. But, I had to find an escape, because the thought of staying here forever, is what I fear. It is not like it used to be because so much has changed. I feel like a stranger in my own town. Over the years I have become so detached from this place, so detached that it can make you feel weary. It feels like my body has lost my mind. Sometimes I need space just to be able to stay in the light another day and during times when it is time to shine, I'm never ready for it. During those times I just wish I could leave this body sometimes. Not knowing where I will be 5 years from now, just haunts me, the thought just lingers. You would think I would have it all figured out, but honestly I don't know. I still searching for anwsers a sign to that will lead me to my destination. Life is so unpredictable, so just bury the plan, and just live out the day. It hard not to worry, it is hard to just forget about it, because of time. Now is always better than later, but when you wait until there will always be a possibilty that you will not follow through with your plans, so just go for it now. Now means you have a chance and later means you might never get that chance. Never turn down an opportunity, it could possibly be the biggest mistake of your life. Because of life's unpredictability I think it is better if you do. Staying here forever just gets under my skin, it almosts takes my breath away. I don't want this to be the only place I have ever known, I want to explore before I leave this place. It was a comfortable place, but I really don't think it is for me. It is potrayed like it is a great place, but you just don't know. I'm tired of all the familiarity and comfort, I just want to step outside of my comfort zone, and explore the world of the unknown.