Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Drive It Out Of Your Mind Current mood: blah
What is this natural chemical reaction that forms inside your mind, you just never know when it will react. I guess it happens more than we would like to admit. All these unintentional feelings, bottled up inside, can be hard to hide, I could think about you like this, but I 'm not going to choose to thrive off of this feeling or thought, because it want last, it soon will pass. I will always envision you as a friend, it hard to get past this point., but what if that chemical reaction takes, place if it takes place, what will this mean. If it happens, it does not mean I have to pursue it, just because you get this feeling does not mean you have to act on it every time it occurs. You just got learn how to keep some things to yourself. You just got to learn to take control of the thoughts that are cluttering your mind. Sometimes it is hard to control a thought or a feeling, but it is easy to drive it out of your mind because it only last for a minute or a couple of seconds
5:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Monday, June 23, 2008
Your World Revolves
We are people from too different worlds, different body, soul, and mind. Your world revolves all around people and my world revolves around the stars. It easy to live with this energy but do hard to do without it, like air and water. The only cure would be is to see it through your eyes , becoming you and shining through your radiant skin. When I get inside your heart you will feel like angel and then you will have peace forever. I know you keep pushing me away, but please give me one chance to help you fix your broken heart. and make it brand new. Don't you think it time for you to feel brand new, have ever really been comfortable living this life It time for a new beginning, it time to start living again, get up on your feet and take control. This is your life so do what it takes to make it right, and always remember to wake with the sun and hide in the moonlight
5:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, June 22, 2008
An Explosion Has Changed My Heart Current mood: focused Category: Music
I feel like an explosion has changed my heart I can't believe I'm learning the language of love. I can't believe that my best friend use to be on the other side. I never realized who my real friends were until I met you. I use to think that you were just a snake in disguise. But later I discovered that it was not you, it was this thing on the inside of you that got in I never knew what it was doing to you , but when you changed, I sense that something was not right, this is not my friend. I lost you somewhere along the way. You were so detached from me and the world, and I could see it. I never wanted to believe that something that was once so beautiful could turn so black You are so beautiful on the outside, but so colorless on the inside. Eventhough you hurt me and made me feel like a shrew, I still have love for you. It is so hard to love the unlovely.
But, I can't pretend that my emotions don't attack me sometimes. It can take your breath away, and suddenly you hear nothing but silence, in the midst of all the noise. It an attack, that could be fatal, so why do you allow it to control you. Will you ever have peace, do you thrive off of pain. If not, why can't you just let it go. But, it can take your breath away, and then you hear nothing but silence, in midst of all the noise. It seems like a part of you just died inside. But, you got to try to ignite what had died inside. This will pass, because tomorrow is a new day, and you get another chance to do it all over again in a new manner.
7:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Don' t Know If This Is Playing It Safe

Saturday, June 21, 2008
I Don’t Know If This Is Playing It Safe Current mood: busy
It would be impossible for you to get inside my mind and know what I'm thinking. I don't know if I should be posting all of my thoughts for the world to see, who knows if they really care. I don't know if this is playing it safe, but this what a blog is all about. I'm sure nobody cares, anyway, about my random thoughts. I'm sure many doesn't take the time to read this, but it doesn't really matter. It is no pressure, just air. It helps to detoxify my mind, because I have so many thought that are just trapped in my mind, and this is just away to release them so please don't take what I say too serious, it was never meant to offend you, it is just what my mind is telling me to do, so I just express what could be possibly going on in my mind.
To be continued

Friday, June 20, 2008
Maybe It’s Just A Coincidence. Current mood: awake
Maybe it's just a coincidence, or something more, something that we usually ignore and forget. Words have such meaning and people interpret them in different language a language that is hard to understand. I think coincidence is just a thought that means nothing if it is true. Why waste time thinking about things that are not going to effect you. It is easy to just waste your thoughts and lose your mind. Why do you want to know this and when you find the anwser how is it going to make you feel what is it going to do for you, so why do you care to know. Ask yourself, is this something that is going to benefit your life, and when you decide and discover that it has no effect, maybe you should just forget about it. Why bother knowing because it is not your problem, and remember you will never have to deal with it. I think it is time to focus on what is really important. What I know will aways be a coincidence, to me, because it is not going to change my life, it doesn't even really matter.
10:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, June 19, 2008
If I wouldn’t Have A Open Heart Current mood: annoyed
I hope things will be back to normal really soon, it feels really uncomfortable, I'm not use to feeling this way. I don't know why I should feel weary because I wasn't the one that caused this comotion. I warned you, and you knew this was going to happen, and now why should I feel sorry for you, If it wasn't for a good heart, I couldn't shed a tear. You got yourself into a mess that could have been avoided if you just would have listened. You heard what you wanted to hear, ignoring what you really need to hear. You were a fool to believe that they really cared for you, I guess you know how so-called friends can be. You have caused us so pain, and now everybody wants me to have sympathy, because of your stupidity. Should I put my life on hold because of some stupid mistake you made, why should I have to suffer, and if I wouldn't have a open heart I could not find it in my heart to forgive.
9:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The Severity Of Obession
How could something that you love harm you, unless you have a secret obession under your skin and becomes apart of you. Everybody has an obession and everybody has a desire. It is not the obsession, it is the severity of it. There are good and bad obessions, and it nothing wrong with obessing over a few of your favorite things. Many people love what they do, so much until it becomes an obession. If you love something, never stop. If it is what makes you happy pursue it. Most people have not learned to control their obsessions. You could be dreaming about something or someone every second of the day and never be able to think about anything else, don't ignore the signs. If you have an obession with anything just admit it to yourself, don't deny it If it has that effect on you need to let go, just think about how it all started so you can go back to the way things were, if you can go back. You might just have to live through it.

3:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Life Still Undefined To Me
Life is still undefined to me, I feel like I'm acting in my real life. What is life, a store that runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, spend hours of your life and time in this place for money, something that we have to have in order to survive according to the world. You go to sleep and wake, and start over again, life is just so routine. It bothers me and this routine is like a silent killer. I wonder how much damage has already been done, because after all I'm just flesh and bone under this skin. If I lose my mind, I would not be surprised. I know it is killing me, I can't see it but I can feel it. I have an idea of what could happen the bad cells could just outnumber the good cells, and then I could be destroyed. It begins with one bad cell, and I would not be surprised if it happening now, but, I don't want to know. My life just seems like a game to me, and I feel like I have just wasted it. I spend so many days suffering in this place, when I could of been doing something worthwhile. Gods knows I have been patient, but it just seems like nothing will ever change
7:20 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Monday, June 16, 2008
As Beautiful As The Bright Blue Sky Current mood: anxious Category: Life
This is beautiful, just as beautiful as the bright blue sky. I don't know the reason and I can't explain why . I wish I could reach as far as the heavens and catch an angel. Sometimes I feel like a lost sheep, without a home. I need to find a place that feels like home, so excuse me while I meditate on this day and night if that is how long it's going to take. When I close my eyes things are going to change and when I finally open them again I will finally be able to see the light again. My dearest little angel, please hold my hand and please don't let me go, take me away from here for a moment, Please help me find the reason for my existance, because I feel like programmed robot on wheels. I trying to learn to love you more, but you make it hard for me sometimes.
4:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, June 15, 2008
The Story Begins Again Current mood: awake
The nightmare is over for now but it will reocurr as soon as I reenter the building. The same setting today, but prehaps less drama and action, but who knows how the story will go.
I wish the time would stop for now,but time is running and I only have 5 hours until the story begins again. It's almost show time, so get ready to smile for the camera. Today is probably going to be more dramatic, but it is hard to really know, how the story will go. All the lights, the cameras, the people, the noise, can be overwhelming. You just don't know that this is all an act, I'm trying so hard to please you . Smilng, and saying hello and thank you is in my script it doesn't come natural. It hard to really be comfortable with somebody you have never seen before so excuse me for my silence and my actions and I don't know how long I will be able to play this role, it is on my mind all of the time. I really hope that this story is on the verge of coming to and end. I have worked with some great actors and actresses. It never seemed really real for me, I didn't think I would take it as seriously as I did, but later realized how real it was, but I am going to play it until the end of this chapter.
3:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, June 14, 2008
A Day In The Life Current mood: exhausted Category: Music
This story is called a day in the life of a Cashier, 2 days of living in same setting, you know how the story goes, and do I have to tell you. You would think it would be like playing store like when you were younger, but it is not. When you are working in a real store, you are dealing with the real world, and that takes all the fun out of it. I wish I can go back to playing store, I wish I could find the kid in me, but it is so hard when it is essential to surviving. It doesn't come natural, you have to learn to think that way. I just can't find the kid in me anymore, I lost it, and if I would have knew then what I knew now, I wouldn't have been so surprised.
I went back to work today, 3 days sounds like a lot of time but it's not. I usually waste 75% of my free time. I will never no what to with time, because I'm not use to having a whole lot of time of my hands. I think in my free time I waste half of the day sleeping and dreaming. and when I wake the day is almost over.
2:39 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday 13th Current mood: breezy Category: Music
This is the best thing about being alive, I live for this, I breath for this. Something that I once hated has became something that you can't live without. If I would have known what I knew now, things would be so different. I live in the future, but I remember the past sometime, The past takes me back to the good memories, and it makes me just want to forget all of the bad ones. We are all going to have to stand up to the demons of our past, so we can't actually get somewhere. I have discovered that Living in the past can just kill your future. Now, is the time to just let it go, so you will be able to have a brighter future. Please let it go, and just find some peace in your heart, and learn to love.


7:01 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Moment For Reflection Current mood: breezy

Today was the first Thursday that I have had off in years. I wanted to take a moment for reflection, to think about all the things that has happended in my life. I think about all the things that have happend and all the things that I have accomplished, but there is still so much more, it never ends for me. I don't think anybody can ever take away a person's passion for something, if it is there, and it is real, you can't stop it. It feels so weird being here on a Thursday probably because I live a busy, restless life I need the rest but when I get a chance to rest I am always moving. I spend half of my life in a cage, so when I'm uncaged I just make up for the lost time. The time I spend in here overall all feels like torture, I feel like a slave to the people. It get to my nerves, and it makes me feel that I am on the brink of losing my sanity. The time passed and now it is almost 3AM. It's Friday, but it still feels like Thursday because of the darkness.
6:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Things Have Changed For Me Current mood: scared

I will always remember this place, my homebase. No matter how far I go, I will always know that I always have a place to go. But, I had to find an escape, because the thought of staying here forever, is what I fear. It is not like it used to be because so much has changed. I feel like a stranger in my own town. Over the years I have become so detached from this place, so detached that it can make you feel weary. It feels like my body has lost my mind. Sometimes I need space just to be able to stay in the light another day and during times when it is time to shine, I'm never ready for it. During those times I just wish I could leave this body sometimes. Not knowing where I will be 5 years from now, just haunts me, the thought just lingers. You would think I would have it all figured out, but honestly I don't know. I still searching for anwsers a sign to that will lead me to my destination. Life is so unpredictable, so just bury the plan, and just live out the day. It hard not to worry, it is hard to just forget about it, because of time. Now is always better than later, but when you wait until there will always be a possibilty that you will not follow through with your plans, so just go for it now. Now means you have a chance and later means you might never get that chance. Never turn down an opportunity, it could possibly be the biggest mistake of your life. Because of life's unpredictability I think it is better if you do. Staying here forever just gets under my skin, it almosts takes my breath away. I don't want this to be the only place I have ever known, I want to explore before I leave this place. It was a comfortable place, but I really don't think it is for me. It is potrayed like it is a great place, but you just don't know. I'm tired of all the familiarity and comfort, I just want to step outside of my comfort zone, and explore the world of the unknown.

Let's stop the clock and just focus on us. We will never have time so let's just make the time. All this time on my hands is striking my nerves. I just can't seem to slow it down when it time to unwind. When I have time I just waste it, Monday gone and now Tuesday is here. I know when I close my eyes the night will disappear. Time is like magic when you close your eyes. Then, when you finally open you eyes, you can't even remember the dark turning to light. I'm so tired of wasting all this time waiting, so tired of wasting all this time procrastinating. I need to use to time to love instead wasting it to hate. Use this time to take action instead of wasting it on plan. In these troubled times, all you need is time to love, all you need is time heal. All we really need is time to put a smile on a sad face. We never have time so let's just make it, take it, claim it, use it, abuse, don't lose it.

Getting To Know You

Sunday, June 08, 2008
It Seems Like I Have Known You Forever Current mood: melancholy
It seems like I have known you forever, we are more than strangers, more like close friends than strangers, more like true friends than lovers. Like a positive-negative energy we connect. Is as if I have known you forever, and I hate to leave you but I have to go, just know that it is not you, it is them. We will meet again, maybe not here but in another time and place. As long as I live I will always remember you no matter where I will be my friend. I will never forget your face, and your spirit. It so strange how you can get so attached to a stranger. And sometimes it is so hard to break, just stay around a stranger for a couple of months. It happens and it is tough to break away.


Saturday, June 07, 2008
Living In Heaven On Earth Current mood: hopeful Category: Music
It just takes one night for you to rest and push back your seat, but you deserve it, and this is the way that it is suppose to be because you work. I envy you and I wish you all the best. Working hard could possible lead to a huge reward, success after success It seems as you are already living in heaven on earth while I'm still living in a dream world. You are so far above me now, and I tagging along, trailing behind, like it has always been. What planet am I from because people don't do this anymore. Where was I when this all started, everything just feels so weird now. No matter how much you want to deny things have changed
I was the girl who was the last one to finish the race. I'm still trying to have hope, but it is so hard to believe in a dream that you know will never come true. My biggest fear is that it could possible take years or the rest of my life to make this dream come ture, so dangerous, so risky, but if you never take a chance you will never know, if the dream was a big idea that could help change the world.


Thursday, June 05, 2008
Not Worth My Time And Energy Current mood: busy
I feel like I am wasting time doing this, or is it wasting me. I feel like I'm not in control in anymore. Something may have control over my body but it can't control my mind. You can't make me think that I am going to be here forever, because you can't can't control my thoughts, because hope is all that I have now, and you can't take it away from me.
I just can't seem to relax when I here, and I can't deny this feeling. I still feel like a stranger, in this public place. I get a strange vibe when I walk into this place, I sense evil. It is all around me, I can't see it but I can feel. What is this, and why should I endure this, but then I think about survival. I think about the pros and cons of just walking away from this. I have to do it to live, but this is not the only way to live. Also, If I walk out, I won't have anywhere else to turn, but I will find a place. It is not worth my time and energy, but that is life. This is how your life can be if you choose to live like this. When the time comes I will be ready to go, without warning. It hard to believe that this is my life, I can't believe that I'm depending on something that I hate so much to survive, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about it, and I can look you in the eye and tell you that I love this because I would be lying to myself. My heart is not here, and I have been here long enough to know, and did you know I still feel the same after all this time.

Monday, June 02, 2008
Time To Let Go
It is time to let this go you know, holding on till this will be torturous. It will be an object on your wall, something that is made out of clay or plastic, and this mean more to you than your heart. Letting go is the only way to be free. After 10 years, it is still here, and what happens after 20 years, will it still be with you. When are you going to realize that time is not just a word, it how we live. If you don't fly now, who knows when you will get another chance to soar, nothing never chances if live life by ear, just close your eyes and imagine the scenery. I remember getting this years ago, and it is still the same, nothing has change. It like a block that just rests on your shelf until you move it. But, no matter how much I try to forget I will always remember

Sunday, June 01, 2008
No Matter How Much You Stay Away Current mood: blah
If this is real it will never perish. Nothing has changed, I feel the same. It is my passion, and no matter how much time away from it will always be there, I was born with it. I can't forget it, no matter how much I want admit it. No matter how much you deny this love will never die no matter how much you stay away, it won't stray. You think I have lost it but you have no idea how much it is burning on the inside. You will never be able to see what I am seeing, you will never be able to feel what I am feeling. You will never know my spirit and that is o.k. You think it has died because I'm I still here, but you have no idea how it really feels.

Friday, May 30, 2008
Move Through Life With No Regrets Or Fears Current mood: breezy
You move through life with no regrets or fears the things that you do would be torturous for me, I can't seem to get the monkey off my back. I just can seem to believe sometimes, it is hard to see clearly through the world sometimes. They are trying to set me up for a hard fall. I used to be blind but now I can see clearly now. I going to keep my ears and eyes open, but I not going to say a word, it is between me and my conscious. I understand that all of this madness, could bring sadness. I always wanted to live in the warped zone, the world of the unknown. It is hard to believe sometimes then I look at you, how you walk so gracefully along the way in the midst of the haze. I envy you for being so brave. You are have a victorious spirit, that can be the light to anyone's day. I guess when you have finally reached your destination you can breath again. I understand the reasons why you do what you do, because what else is there for you. Do you have it all or is there something still missing. When you reach that point are you just going to stop nuturing your mind body and spirit. Was it ever a burden o

Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Life Is A Reality Not A Dream Current mood: blank
My world is everything but ordinary, my world does not measure up to yours. But, most of the time I am living in my dreams and it is when I step outside I realize that it is just a dream. It was revealed that my life is not just a dream it is real reality. But, I need something to believe in, it is all that I am holding on to right now. I have to live in a dream in order to cope with this. It is taking everything that I have and all that I stored on the inside of me. I want to be apart of this, i want to live this, and it is important that you know this. Excuse me while I escape and hide in my dream world for a while when everything is just crashing down all around me. I don't mind because it will pass. I will not wear no shame, because this moment won't last, it will pass over into my life history, the best moments of my life.
5:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, May 26, 2008
I Just Might Bite Current mood: confused
the true light shines tonight and I just might bite All of this bottled inside, is hard to hide. I need to keep my sanity to have a strong peace of mind while trapped inside this bind. I got to find a way to break away in a graceful way. No matter how much I hold my head high I will cry. It enough to make break, when it is all you can take. I don't know where we will go, but I am just going with the flow. Who know where the wind will take you, when it blows it is what we will never know.

5:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, May 23, 2008
Learning To Live With A Spirit Current mood: curious
I think I will remember a time being with you but now you are physically gone forever, O don't know if I will ever see you again when it's my time to leave the earth. But, I'm going to try to sacrifice my life just to be with you again. your death was such an unexpected change. I had to learn to live with your spirit, while you were resting in your casket. I hope you are doing fine whereever you are, your are probably somewhere out there watching over us, laughing at the ridiculous things that I do, angry with the choices that I make, crying because we have to suffer with the world. You are probably thinking why we act the way we do. Now you get to know all of our secrets. I feel your presence from time to time, it is when the door cracks I know that it is possible that you are near. Now you get to see the other side of me, that you could not see when you were here. You probably know all the secrets I have been hiding, and you probably know my fears, and my regrets. You have so much supernatural power now which scares me. Are you there, because I hear the door crack from time